Thursday, July 10, 2008

But......

You know, people always get this shocked look on their faces when they find out how many kids I have.....sometimes it's kind of humerous. Yesterday I was talking with a few friends and the subject of miscarriage came up...we talked about the insensitive things that people say...without meaning to...they think they're being helpful....but they really aren't. There's the famous...'there must have been something wrong with it....it's a good thing it happened now...before you got to know it'...or....'you already have two (or whatever number) at home....you should be thankful and concentrate on them'.....or, 'you really need to move on and put this behind you'.....as if you can just turn off your feelings,..One of the mom's said that one time she became so upset with a 'well meaning' person....that she said, 'okay,...take your three kids,...line them up and then decide which one you could do without'....I thought it was a very good point.

People don't realize that just because you didn't get to know it outside your body that it did grow inside you for a number of months,..it was still a part of you,..it was still your child, and you loved it.

There was a little girl, twenty nine years ago, who was part of me......her name is Leah Catherine, and I loved her even though I never got to hold her....and sometimes I just have overwhelming moments where my arms ache to hold her and to sing Jesus Loves Me to her and rock her to sleep. So, even though I have nine children and some are definitely to big to hold and rock...okay all of them are.....most are getting bigger than me, except one,...sorry Lauren,....I still have my moments...and today is one of them.

I know that one day I will really get to hold her.....in heaven.....but ........

2 comments:

Linds said...

Oh, I know just what you mean. There is a little one of mine who has been in heaven for 25 years. He or she now has their Daddy there to rock them until I get there too.
Thanks so much for popping over for a visit! I love meeting new friends, and I will be back!

Angie said...

Oh, I know that ache well. I did get to hold mine... not even 11 months ago. Someday I'll get to hold my Joshua Dale again, and what a sweet day that will be! There are days I feel silly for still feeling SO SAD, so it's strangely encouraging to hear that all these years later you still feel that ache. I hope you know what I mean.