What is normal?

My goodness the last day of July! The summer is half over! I know summer, by the calendar year goes much longer but I've had kids in school for sooooooooo long that my thinking is still geered to the summer being over when school starts!
So far, the two weeks that my husband is having here at the trailer, as his holdiday, aren't very normal. On Monday, I thought I should make a quick trip home,...as quick as a 2-1/4 hour drive can be and still obey the speed limits...okay, okay...I set the cruise for 10 over and kept my eyes peeled for cruisers......but still,...I got to the hospital, to see my dad, who was having a procedure done that day by noon. Then, I went back to my house where I proceeded to do about six loads of laundry....finally at about 9:30pm, I took the last load out and started out for the ride back. I was so weary by the time I left but I really wanted to get back up to my husband, so I opened a bottle of pepsi to keep me awake and set off.
When we were in Bermuda in June, we were very fortunate to meet a lot of lovely people. One couple that we talked to was a couple from the Boston area...in fact, he plays bass trombone in the Boston Philharmonic and Boston Pops. He brought a cd with him of some of his music accompanied by his wife. It's a very soothing cd and I enjoy it immensely, so on the way back to the trailer I played it . I must admit on some of the country roads, after eleven o'clock, I find the dark roads kind of intimidating but having Doug and Pat playing on the cd player reminded me of the concert they did in Bermuda and I didn't feel so intimidated. Although, when the limo pulled out in front of me and started weaving a bit,...I stayed far back but then he pulled over and let me pass and then pulled out behind me! And he followed quite closely! I was very pleased when I pulled off the one stretch of highway for the next one that he kept going!
I finally pulled into our drive in front of our trailer at about 11:45pm. My hubby was quickly at my door, helping me out because he knew that I was worn out. After a relaxing cup of tea I was ready for bed.
Now, today is Thursday and my husband is the one who has left. He has one last class to do at the college he teaches at in the evening. Tonight is their final exam. So, he left at noon to go down to our house and cut the lawn and then go onto his class. Since this is the beginning of a holiday weekend, I imagine that it'ill be him coming in the drive at midnight tonight!
Hopefully, the rest of the holiday can go a little more normally and him and I can get some much needed rest......that is, as much rest as you can get with four teenagers and two adults in a 29' trailer!!!

Thoughts

Well, I have had a very loooooooong week at the trailer.....really no one to talk to..except through msn and email.....I have two good friends at the trailer ..one is still grieving the death of her husband last January, so she isn't often here and the other one has been home this week,...sick as a dog.....(how sick does a dog get anyways?) So, I have lots of time to think...in between keeping track of the two daughters I do have with me and the daily rain...today we have sun...hurrah!
So many thoughts swirling about this head, some of them I wrote down in an email and sent to my husband, not the intended person but I wasn't sure I wanted to send it to them so I tried it out on hubby......some of them I've tried to pray about and some I've been msn-ing with a good friend about.
So I've been alone but not lonely...believe me my thoughts have kept me pretty good company...or bad....have you ever wanted to tell your thoughts to take a hike that you were tired of them!
I'll be glad to see my hubby.

People.......

Every day they pass my by, I can see it in their eyes,
Empty people filled with care, headed who knows where.
On they go through private pain, living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord,

At the end of broken dreams,

He is the open door.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord,

When will we realize that people need the Lord.


Every time I awoke in the night...which were many...this song was playing in my brain.....

Fading Rebellion

So, I was lying in my lonely bed in our trailer last night....everything was quiet...well, as quiet as it can be with two teens snoring....but the quiet of having no one bickering, whining or asking the why question for the umpteenth time was quite pleasant...there was even a water feature to add to the atmosphere...rain!...nothing like the sound of rain on a tinny roof! Anyways, I was just lying there looking at a few magazines.....the mind wasn't up to any heavy reading and I kept telling myself...'You'd better get to sleep, you're tired'...don't you just love it when you mother yourself?...It even gets better when you take on the role of the pouty teen and say 'but....but....I don't want to go to sleep...I'm enjoying the peacefulness'....okay, so, no teen in their right mind is looking for peacefulness but you get the idea!
What I really wanted to do was watch a movie.....something about staying up really late, when you know you should be sleeping (but only when you know you don't have to get up at the break of dawn) really appeals to me at times...brings out my rebellious side...kind of reminds me when my sister and I were young and we wanted to stay up and watch a particular movie...I think it might have been a Paul Newman movie...(those blue eyes), but mom and dad wouldn't let us...so, after they had gone to bed we snuck out to the living room...whuich probably wasn't very wise considering that their bedroom was right beside the living room and turned the television on, ....now this in itself was very tricky because we had an old t.v. that didn't work very well....something about overheating and I think when it did that, there was a loud hum...so there was a fan, your ordinary everyday small oscillating fan that my dad put at the back of the t.v to keep it from overheating.....we even put that on...because we knew our dad would hear that hum. I don't know if we watched the whole movie...I think my sister could tell me,..but it sure was thrilling just to sneak and do that......
Needless to say,...I'm much older now and my rebellious streak has calmed down a bit....I turned off the light and went to sleep......sigh....

Do not fold, staple or mutilate........that's me...

Well, it's been a few days since my last post......crazy, crazy days.....it all started last Thursday morning with a call from my mom......my dad wasn't feeling well so she was cancelling his doctor appointment...which I know sounds like you should go to the doctor but when you're having difficulty leaving the bathroom it's a little impossible....by 4:30 pm, mom was calling me back saying dad was much worse and the dialysis unit said to take him to emergency, so I sped over to pick him up. My poor dad was in pretty rough shape, could barely walk out the door. From 5:00pm til 8:30pm, we were at the emerg, they did blood work and exrays, then they said they were sending us to another hospital a half hour away to see a surgeon! Good grief! So, off we went to the next hospital...where we sat for two hours waiting to see the surgeon that was suppose to be expecting us and then we were taken into the observation room.....well, honestly, there wasn't very much observing going on and my dad was getting quite upset and frustrated...he was exhausted and hadn't eaten most of the day plus he hadn't had any insulin......so at 1:00am, he said enough, we're leaving....boy did the nurses and doctors hop to it then....but he was determined but very polite...he just kept saying I'm very sorry but I have to go home......they got very upset with him...one nurse was downright rude and angry....but we left.
After he called his own doctor the next day and explained what happened, his own doctor got him in for a cat scat that afternoon....well they ended up keeping him for the weekend where they were pretty sure he was recovering from an infection.
Thank the Lord he's doing much better and is home.......but I'm whipped.
I came up to the trailer on Sunday and the trailer was a'rockin'.....oldest daughter and younger daughter were here with oldest daughters 4 children,....including 2 month baby......so add to that one more adult and two teenagers, rainy weather, mosquitoes galore........all in a small 29' trailer....well, I'm sure you have an imagination!
Eldest daughter, middle daughter and 4 grandbabies left today....hubby was encouraging me to come home too......but with the cost of gas and he's suppose to come up here in 3!!!!!!!more!!!!!!days!!!!!...so I decided to stick it out........

Appointments.....yuck!

I stayed home yesterday.....it's summer,...you know,.... time of lazy days, cool drinks, lounging.....NOT!!! I try very hard not to schedule appointments in the summer,......even though my kids are older, they're not the most mature group and it's usually not a good idea to leave them on their own for too long unless I want to come home to weeping and wailing and knashing of teeth! Unfortunately, doctors, dentists and therapists don't take the summer off and insist on making appointments....well, yesterday, enough was enough...,I cancelled an appointment that I felt could be put off for a few weeks....like til September....and stayed home!

I've been wanting to get going on two new quilt tops for a few weeks now...yes, I said two......my grandaughters have moved into a bunkbed and they need (want) quilts for their beds.....now, if you knew my two absolutely adorable little grandgirlies, you'd know that I couldn't do just one at a time......they'd never understand why nana wasn't doing theirs but was doing sister's.....so....two quilt tops! Yesterday, I started sewing,..working on and off throughout the day until after 11 p.m. and got them about half put together........I'm hoping to finish them today so that I can get to the material store tomorrow to get the batting and the backing material. Unfortunately, another appointment prevails this morning.......such is life..work interfering with play.......I think one of these days I'll either retire or just go on strike.....ya, that's it.....these appointments really don't make that much difference do they?!......

Conundrums!

We have been doing some rearranging in our house......eldest son made me a new television cabinet that's humongous ....it definitely required a new space in the living room.....in fact it required a new living room.....one that I would say was about three times the size of what we have.....not going to happen....we'll still be paying for the last reno for the next 23 years....so.....there was a lot of moving around of furniture on the weekend. One of the things that we had to move was a 6' x 6' book shelf that holds a ton of books......every book had to be taken of the shelves to move the shelf to another wall and then everything had to be put back......curiouser and curiouser.....it was kind of the opposite of when you do the laundry and lose socks....when I put my books back on, I ended up with more books then I have spaces! Quite the conundrum!
Lately, it seems like my life has been one huge conundrum...what I thought I knew turned out not to be as it really is......now when you're younger you can kind of roll with these revelations but us old people kind of get set in our ways.....whether it be change in your living situation or change in your mind, your life.....it takes some getting used to....time to sit back and reflect...time to look at things differently and come to different conclusions....good or bad....

Trust......

It took a miracle to put the stars in place;
It took a miracle to hang the world in space;

But when He saved my soul
Cleansed and made me whole,

It took a miracle of love and grace.

But......

You know, people always get this shocked look on their faces when they find out how many kids I have.....sometimes it's kind of humerous. Yesterday I was talking with a few friends and the subject of miscarriage came up...we talked about the insensitive things that people say...without meaning to...they think they're being helpful....but they really aren't. There's the famous...'there must have been something wrong with it....it's a good thing it happened now...before you got to know it'...or....'you already have two (or whatever number) at home....you should be thankful and concentrate on them'.....or, 'you really need to move on and put this behind you'.....as if you can just turn off your feelings,..One of the mom's said that one time she became so upset with a 'well meaning' person....that she said, 'okay,...take your three kids,...line them up and then decide which one you could do without'....I thought it was a very good point.

People don't realize that just because you didn't get to know it outside your body that it did grow inside you for a number of months,..it was still a part of you,..it was still your child, and you loved it.

There was a little girl, twenty nine years ago, who was part of me......her name is Leah Catherine, and I loved her even though I never got to hold her....and sometimes I just have overwhelming moments where my arms ache to hold her and to sing Jesus Loves Me to her and rock her to sleep. So, even though I have nine children and some are definitely to big to hold and rock...okay all of them are.....most are getting bigger than me, except one,...sorry Lauren,....I still have my moments...and today is one of them.

I know that one day I will really get to hold her.....in heaven.....but ........

A Good Laugh

So, being at the trailer, on my own with three teens is a trial and a half....since 2 of them are developmentally delayed and the other one just happens to be hormonal all over the place....there aren't too many opportunities to laugh, to be honest......but I must tell you about the hormonal one...she's been just hittin' the roof about everything the last few days, even to the point of yelling at the roll of paper towel to get out of her way! Well, today we got some rain and the 'dressing room' tent...where the girls keep their clothes and get changed (keeps a lot of teenage girl stuff out of our little trailer) got some water in it...so before program I told youngest teen to get a towel and go mop up any water....hormonal one skipped away cause she didn't want to do any work....I must backup at this point just to set the scene a little better...before supper I accidently burnt my little finger when I was lighting the stove,...and it hurt like the dicken's....I ate supper with it wraapped in a cold, wet piece of paper towel and then in a cold cup of water......anyways, it was Ben's and my turn to do the dishes and I said..'you'll have to wash Ben cause it'll hurt too much to put this in hot water'...he said 'sure'...well, hormonal one said...'well, are you going to be able to dry them?'...I said 'I'm not sure'........she says 'OH, THAT'S TOO BAD'.........Ben immediately says.....'that's alright mom, I'll do both'......so you get the idea...hormonal one +work= not going to happen. Anyways, go ahead to after the program, they all come back to the trailer....we had another shower while they were gone.....so this time I said to hormonal one....'check the tent before you go out with your friend for any water'...well, she clearly did not desire to do this and was going to skip out......unbeknownst to her...some water had collected on the awning......just as she got to the end of the awning....the breeze blew a bit....and the water from the awning ...dumped ....right... on top of her...........I laughed so hard that the tears were streaming down and I quickly had to get to the bathroom before I wet myself!..........for some reason she was not pleased at my seeing the humour in the situation......I couldn't help it...it just reminded me of a Nellie Olson incident on Little House on the Prairie........it was good to have a laugh.

Ramblings

Well, we're here at the trailer....and the mosquitoes are plentiful!!!! I think the trailer survived yet another Canadian winter although with it being fourteen years old every year it seems to smell a little more musty when we open it up....there is one little, tiny leak in the bathroom, which I hope hubby is able to fix before he leaves tomorrow night....you know those little leaks.....kinda grow bigger especially when Don isn't around! It never failed that whenever he went on a business trip some catastrophie would happen and I'd have to figure it out for myself! I never have a lot of confidence in these areas....Don and I have kind of, without really communicating about it, divided these areas in our household....he takes care of the house and I take care of the kids....trailer definitely falls under the house catagory!
Emma already complained that she shouldn't have to do dishes if she didn't dirty any,...plus she said she was bored and would just hang around the trailer! I said that would be wonderful because then I'd always have someone to do dishes, sweep the floor and make the meals.......I haven't seen her since!
Tomorrow we're suppose to drive to a town about and hour and a half from here where our son Ryan lives. He called me yesterday and said 'Merry Christmas'.....you see he started making my gift for Christmas, I believe before Christmas but didn't get it finished...well, now apparently it's done! I have no idea what it is but it's too big for him to bring to my place and now we must figure out how to get it home!........I asked him that if it was so big then how where was I suppose to put it?....he said'I have no idea'.......sigh.......he also said that it's his turn to preach at his church, so hopefully we'll get there in time for that.....
I just asked my husband if he was going to check out the water leak,....he said...'why?'....I said...'well, you know...water leaking and all'....he said...'ya, don't worry about it dear'......sigh..

Forced Holiday

I have to go away this weekend.......no, I don't want to...I have to........you see we are extremely fortunate to have our trailer residing at a Christian campground about 2-1/4 hours drive from here...we pay a LOT of money that comes out of our income tax refund for the priveledge of having our trailer there. Now normally everyone looks forward to going there....the kids start talking about it just after Christmas. It really is a good place to take your family to....a lot of activities to keep everyone occupied and any other year it has been really good to get back up there...to renew acquantances and friends from last summer and just to relax a little. The trouble is that this year my husband has to work....and when he could get a few days off....there isn't any room at the kennel for my dogs....anyone interested in dog sitting? So, this means I have to go away.......I don't have a really big house....I don't even have a big house....but the thought of 'relaxing' by myself, with three teens (one is going to help eldest daughter at a music camp for the week, or else there would be four) in a 29' trailer is definitely not my idea of a good time!

.....so, don't mind me while I sit in the corner and have my very own little pity party....it wont last long...they usually don't....but sometimes they feel good....just for a little bit...........

Names

When we adopted our seven children as well as when we were expecting our birth children, we thought of names.......names are very important.....you know,....you've heard the comments...'she doesn't look like a 'Sarah', she looks like she's a 'Natalie'......or....I'd never name my child THAT name because it seems like every child with that name has a direct line to the 'dark side'.....ya, you know what I mean,...those kids!
Some of our kids decided themselves that they wanted to change their names.......when we had one of our foster kids for five years, out of the blue, one day,..he said...'mom? When you adopt me are you going to change my name?'...'Well, I don't know, #5, (no, I didn't call my kids by numbers, just trying to protect the innocent here!)....you're older so I didn't think you'd want to change your name'.....'well, I do....if you were to change it then what would it be?'....so, we talked names....he said 'Oh'........a couple of days later he said, as we were driving in the van (excellent conversations when we're driving, one of my kids even asked Jesus into her heart...I did pull over for that one!).....'mom?'...'yes, #5,'.....'when are we going to start using my new name'....'well, when would you like to'.....'now'......'now?'...'yes'....'wellllllllllll, okay.....but you'll have to bear with us.....we might slip up and call you by your old name sometimes'....'that's okay'......'allrighty then!'

All seven of our adopted children have had their birth names changed,..the ones that we had from babies or toddlers, we just changed ....in every case of the older children, it was at their request...I treaded carefully here...didn't want to traumatize anymore than I had to, ...and in every case we kept their original 'birth' name as their third name. I always thought that it was important because that was who they were for the first while after they were born...but we also felt it was important that just as we chose our birth children's names because they were our kids, so should we with our adopted kids......afterall, God gave them to us just as He gave us our birth children......they were ALL OUR KIDS!

Anyways, I was reading a devotional today that talked about the new names we will all receive from God when we get to Heaven.....we are told that as soon as we are called it and we hear it,...we will know it,....that it will represent who we are in God's eyes....oh, my goodness.....that is an awesome thought...and a little scary...I look at my life, I look at my thoughts, my actions, how other people see me....how God sees me......

When He calls me by that name, I will know it.......wow.