Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The young man with the baseball glove is our son Ben. He was thrilled when this picture was taken because he was sitting in the Blue Jay's baseball team's dugout. The Blue Jays are Ben's absolute favourite sports team.
Ben came to live with us when he was three years old....his older brother and his younger sister already lived with us as foster children. We knew that Ben had some delays...developmentally and verbally, but we didn't know and nobody could tell us what effect this would have on his development growing up. Over the last fifteen years, Ben's body has grown but his mind has not. Ben will be 18 next March but developmentally he'll be always be six years old. Although he was always tiny in stature in the last few years he's grown to 5'8"...much taller than we ever thought he'd get..and because we believe that he does have some effects of Fetal Alcohol , he is extremely strong.
People that know Ben think that he is very sweet and gentle...but unfortunately Ben has another side.....if you cross him he reacts with a rage that is becoming alarming. Ben has been seeing an anger management therapist since the summer....so far, it's not helping and I'm not sure it ever will. When Ben is crossed he reacts like any kindergarten kid when he gets his tower of blocks knocked over.....he physically attacks,...but because he's the size of a grown man, because he has unbelievable strength, things have changed in our house.
Last Saturday, when my hubby and I went out to get some groceries, one of our daughters crossed Ben...he reacted....he pulled them to the ground, he punched them, he tried to strangle them....they were very scared. I say them because when one sister tried to aid the other then he also turned on her.
Now, we can no longer leave our son at home without an adult present....if I go out, he has to go along. If, both hubby and I go out, then Ben has to go elsewhere...to someone else's house...where my daughters will be safe....where Ben will be safe, because Ben doesn't know how to keep his environment safe.....safe from him losing control and one day really, really hurting someone..........really hurt.
They didn't tell us that it would be like this.