My Mom

This is my mom.....she's in her mid eighties, in this picture she's comforting Verity cause Verity didn't get a present at her sister's birthday party. Poor Verity, she didn't understand.

This afternoon, my sister called. She was at my parents house...my mom was having severe chest pains and the ambulance was there to take her to the hospital. Hubby and I rushed over in time to see her being wheeled out, an oxygen mask on her face. Scary stuff.

The nitroglycerin that they gave her at the hospital helped to relieve the pain, but the blood work has yet to determine whether it was a very bad angina attack or a heart attack. Her father and her sister and her brother, all died from heart attacks. (Well, her brother died from an angina attack). They admitted her...she wasn't pleased with that cause she'll miss church..she doesn't like to miss.

Then there's my dad...all by himself at home tonight...a first for him since mom had her last baby 51 years ago.....

Please pray for them.

For you Lovey

This is for lovey ~

I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, Outcast, Lonely or Afraid
I will change your name

Your new name shall be
Confidence, Joyfulness,
Overcoming one,
Faithfulness, friend of God,
One who seeks my face.~D.J. Butler

Hayden Jack

Two years ago today, our little grandson Hayden Jack Kent was born. He was very tiny...he could have fit in my hand.....unfortunately he was already in Heaven. Now that's a good thing and a bad thing.......good, because it was obvious to the nurse and midwife that he had some pretty serious problems and he's probably a lot happier dancing in Heaven.....but bad because we miss him...especially at Christmas when you know that should be another grandbaby at the table.
More than 20 years ago my hubby and I experienced the same heartache...the same nightmare....we named her Leah, and when Leslie had Afton in May, she gave her the middle name of Leah, after her sister...

I like to picture Leah and Hayden together in Heaven....it comforts me.

We celebrate the day of your birth today Hayden......we validate your life....it was, and still is important.

Weight Loss and Fire!

So, I went to the chiropractor today.....and as I was standing there and she was checking my back...she said 'you've lost weight!'......I said....well, a couple of pounds...actually almost five..but who's counting ...besides ME!! Anyways, she says...'ya, I can tell, on your back'....okay, so if anyone asks me where I most want to lose weight, I'm sorry but my back just doesn't seem to pop into my mind,..like, is this an old age thing or something? Geesh!

Yesterday, I hand washed a lot of pots, pans, cookie sheets etc. that had accumulated over the weekend and I was ever so pleased to have it done when hubby got home after a long day at his two jobs.....until he opened the oven door...which was crammed with more things....'good grief', I said...'who the pete put those in there?'...well, it turned out that it was Emma...so tonight she helped me 'unload the oven' before I could turn it on to cook supper. Unfortunately, she left a black, plastic flipper,lifter, turn over thingy in the stove and I had no idea til I got a whiff of a very acrid smell. I quickly opened the oven door and smoke billowed out...the lifter thingy was on fire and melting! I quickly closed the door, but not before Emma, Maya and I inhaled surely toxic fumes that hit you in the back of the throat. I shut the oven off and opened the windows. Emma did open the oven door and removed the black thingy and threw it outside....but the stench....oh my goodness! I lit every scented candle I owned. A little while ago ,the oven had cooled enough to let me inspect the damage....black plastic has melted all on the oven element and now it is hardened on! No chance of getting it off...I'd have to melt it off and the stench would be too much. So, hubby is going to try to get a new element tomorrow...we figure it'll be pretty pricey.....geesh, just in time for Christmas!

Always something in our house!

We named him Ryan....

Ryan and his wife Jennifer at Thanksgiving this year.

It was a snowy morning and I was wide awake at 5 a.m., sitting up in bed, absolutely petrified. I watch out the window as great big, fat snowflakes came down but my mind was going even faster then the snowflakes, for this was the day...this was the day my baby was to be born!

As I sat there waiting, in the dark, all by myself...all of a sudden a person appeared in the doorway....covered in snow! It was my hubby, he too had been awake early and had kissed our little girl goodbye (they had stayed overnight at his brother's house) and had driven through the city, slipping and sliding to get to the hospital...the next couple of hours were a blur as the hospital woke up and they prepared to do my c-section.

Thirty-two years ago in London, Ontario, Canada they didn't allow husbands to be in the room when they delivered babies by 'section' so poor hubby had to wait in the hallway. Two years earlier when I had birthed our daughter, it had been after lengthy labour that had stalled at 7cms dilated....the contractions kept going but not the dilation so they decided to do a section...the next day my OB said that it was a good thing that they had since the baby's head hadn't come down,...there was a bone in the way, and he would have had to pull so hard that she surely would have had brain damage...I was grateful. So, second baby was a 'planned' section but this time I didn't want to be put out as I had for the first, so an epidural was planned. Now with the first baby, I had two epidurals...the first didn't take.....so when they put the epidural in for this baby, I lay there and mused.....that poke was a lot higher than I remember the other two. Sure enough, when my OB did the incision...the traditional 6" navel to pubic bone...I felt this hot searing pain when the cut got to the bottom...I let out a gasp! Immediately, my OB said, 'did you feel that' ...'Yes', I said. I felt some local freezing going in.

Within minutes, my OB was leaning his face over the drape and telling me....".it's a boy",...I said.."What"...."it's a boy!"......I was shocked,...I was sure I was having another girl...a boy...wow!

O my goodness.....I didn't have one piece of blue baby clothing...good grief!

My mom came by later that day and brought me a whole layette of blue clothing and my grandmother gave our new baby boy a small little blue teddy bear...almost the same size as the baby. I think he still has that little teddy bear!

He was a tiny little guy...6lbs, 7 oz......all he wanted to do was sleep....and ironically enough...he still loves to sleep! Now he's much bigger.....he grew to be 5'10''...and well, I'm not sure how much he weighs..:0)

We named him Ryan...which means 'little king'......I never wanted to tell him the meaning...I was afraid he'd use it against us...hehe....it was not a popular name back then....people kept saying...'you mean..Bryan'...'no, I mean Ryan....no B'......and they'd give me weird looks....

Today, even though Ryan still loves to sleep, he's a very hard worker and what some people call a professional student.....it seems like he's been in school forever...but he's coming to the tail end of achieving his Ph.D in Theology and on the side working for contractors, refinishing wood...doors, floors etc. He's a good kid and we love him.....even if he forgets his mother's birthday! :0)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!

Bethlehem Walk...etc.

Well, last night we went to see the Bethlehem Walk. It was extremely good....but unbearably cold....it was about 26 degrees Fahrenheit, which is not bad if you're just running from the vehicle to a building....BUT...when you stand in line for 45 minutes waiting for it to start and then it takes 45 minutes to 'do the Walk'...well, I couldn't feel my toes by the time we were starting the walk and by the end , my fingers that I had clenched in a ball inside my hand , inside my mitts were in extreme pain! BUT....the stations that we went through were so good, the costumes and the acting...I don't know how they could do it out in the cold all evening.

I've been reading a lot lately about obedience....I think the Lord is trying to tell me something....things I've been 'just happening' to hear on the radio....like this woman on Focus on the Family named Lisa....she talked about being obedient and following God when she ended up adopting two orphan boys from Liberia..(don't worry family, I'm not getting any ideas!).....then the Sunday school lesson I was preparing for talked about obedience and then another blog was talking about it...everywhere I was turning.......there it was -obedience.......I'll keep you posted if I find out what the pete is going on. :0)

Life.....Our Life....

Ah....Fridays! I just realized how significant in my life the beginning and the ends of the weeks are to me! Of course, my oldest son would probably argue with me on what days were actually the beginnings and the end...but.....as a mom that has had kids going to school, and still does for the last 29 years, the week always starts with Monday and ends with Friday! Saturday and Sunday are bonus!
I have always looked forward to Fridays ever since my husband and I were 'going together' 38 years ago because that's when he would drive for and hour and a half to come to see me, or I would hitch a ride with someone to go and see him...we only ever saw each other on weekends! I remember when we did our pre-marriage counselling that the minister asked us what we figured would be our greatest obstacle after we were married....my ever practical accountant husband said finances.....I said seeing him on weekdays and getting used to having him around everyday! Well, the finances, with nine kids have always been a problem but thankfully being together has not...well, except that now we are looking forward to retirement so that he can be home all the time!
So, this weekend brings the usual Youth Group for the kids on Friday evening and then tomorrow we're suppose to drive for a couple of hours and go to a 'Bethlehem Walk' that my hubby's brother's church is doing. I think the kids will really enjoy it...and then Sunday brings church , that includes the children's ministry eldest daughter and I do. So, as you can see, the weekend doesn't bring a lot of hoopla or partying, but I usually look forward to it just because hubby is home and we can spend some time recharging our batteries to be ready to tackle the following week of going our separate ways!
Come to think of it.....our weekday life these days isn't a lot different from our pre-married life.....good grief!

Too many of these days are happening!

Yesterday was a difficult day.

Normally, on Tuesdays I go to a Bible study at a local church. When I started homeschooling Megan, I had naively thought that...no problem, she'll just go with me.....well, it didn't turn out as 'no problem' as I had thought. The first time, she just sat and watched the Beth Moore video with us....but she constantly fidgeted. The second time and the third.....she took school books with her....but she was constantly asking for help and I would, as quietly as possible try to do so but I was conscious of disturbing the other ladies. So, yesterday I decided not to go.

Three times after she got up Megan asked if we were going anywhere...three times I said that we weren't.

She did her school work....had a difficult page in math...difficult for her....to try to explain it required abstract reasoning and FAS kids don't get abstract...they are very literal. So, I gave up trying to explain, reasoning to myself 'When will she ever learn that?'.......

The resource teacher, from the elementary school, sent some reading books home for her along with some 'book report' sheets. She came close to tears when she saw them...not that they were difficult but she had seen me bring out the Christmas DVD's and she was excited to watch Rudolph. I told her she had to do one book(let) first....her bottom lip was dragging on the kitchen table.

After her lunch she wanted to work on a puzzle that Maya had done a few days ago....I told her she'd have to wash her hands first....'why, are we going somewhere?'....'no, you just have to have clean hands to do a puzzle'...'why, would you ask....haven't I told you several times that we weren't?'..'where would we go?'....she says..'maybe to get my glasses tightened,..they're loose'...'not today', I replied.

I was feeling very down, very depressed.....I had hoped that one of the benefits of homeschooling Megan would be getting to know her better....becoming closer to her.....I realized that wasn't happening...I realized that the Megan that I had come to know in the last three years since she came to live with us,...was Megan.....all of her....

I emailed hubby and he encouraged me to set up my Christmas village...so, I did...didn't really want to but forced myself.....put on some nice Christmas music and partly through I was feeling not too bad.....although,.... poor Tucker....I always put on the CD player when I go out...hoping that the music will drown out outside noises and Tucker wont bark so much and be nervous. As soon as he heard the player go on he was up to his feet and he started pacing and breathing heavily....and Megan said...'where are we going?'

It was time for the older ones to come home from highschool. It wasn't long after they did that the bickering started and I was hearing 'leave me alone, Emma' from Ben...he was becoming very insistent and very loud..it was quickly going to become physical...I could tell, so I told him he needed to go to his room...he did go because he realized that he needed to calm down. Ben is extremely paranoid...another FAS trait....anything that anyone does is 'copying him' and he demands that they stop...at supper I had to move him from sitting across from Maya because it wasn't the first time he has accused her of copying him in eating!

I wanted to run away, but the realization hit me that I couldn't...Don was teaching and wouldn't be home til later and I couldn't leave Ben at home with the girls and taking him with me would defeat the purpose of running away. augh!!!

After a nutritional supper of 'Kraft dinner', I took Maya to the church for band practice (of, course, taking Ben with me) and then came home to wait for hubby to return....the highlight of my day....10 more years til he retires says he......just around the corner, right?

A Long Day

Oh my...it's Monday...actually, it's Monday evening and that means Monday is almost over....yea!

I'm still not a fan of Mondays, and especially since eldest daughter and I share responsibilities (well, actually I'm like the silent partner.....it's complicated) on Sunday mornings with the children's program at our church,...anyways....by Monday I'm still feeling a little worn around the edges. It has been nice though that I've been able to attend Quilting class by myself these last few Mondays...I tried taking Megan but really, it was quite a chore and I was getting to the point of not wanting to go.....thankfully eldest daughter offered to let her go to her house and do homeschooling with them...Megan is thrilled..she loves being with her nieces and I get to enjoy the fellowship of the quilting ladies!

Then, my highschoolers had 'early dismissal' today...that means they only went for half a day. In the afternoon I had scheduled a doctor's appointment for Maya to get her booster shot (which she should have gotten last year but I kept putting it off.) So, off we went to the doctor......he does a 'well child' check up...went through a myriad of questions...Maya is rarely ill so he was trying to catch up on her life! Then he left, and the nurse was to bring in the 'shot'.....Maya doesn't like needles...(I don't either but try to fake it in front of my kids.. :0) .....) Maya says..'mom, do you remember when we were little and we'd get our needles how you use to cuddle us on your lap?'....I looked at her and knew just where she was coming from.......'uh, Maya....that's not going to happen....you're going to have to handle this one on your own!'....and we both killed ourselves laughing.....Maya is easily 3" taller and 50 lbs heavier than me!

So, now I'm waiting for my hubby to come home...it's been a long day and even longer for him 'cause it's a teaching day....which means he leaves at 7:30 am ,...does his day job and then goes to his teaching job at one of the colleges and gets home between 10 and 11 in the evening....a very long day. He does this on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday......he enjoys it but I miss him.

Do you like Mondays?

Tucker, the black beast....

This is the beast that put the icing on the birthday cake that I didn't have yesterday! Yes, that's his water/food bowl in his mouth.....the 'experts' said that if dogs have metal bowls that they don't like the 'feel' of it in their mouths so they wont carry them around.....somebody forgot to tell my dog! So, back to how he finished off my birthday yesterday...well....

let's go back to the beginning ....it was a day not unlike any other day in my life....the trouble with that is...it was my birthday...now, at my age you usually don't expect too much cause you've learned over the years that if you hope for something, anything different, you'll usually be disappointed...I know, I know..sounds kind of cynical...but....true!

Well yesterday was no exception......there were a couple of nice points ...cards and gifts...second oldest daughter had a day off so agreed to stay with Megan so I could go and meet hubby for lunch...trouble is during the morning I started to feel a little unwell....tried to ignore it and went and met hubby anyways, after having some Pepto....then during lunch, really started feeling worse. So,...hurried and finished and drove quickly back home. Spent the rest of the afternoon resting. By the time that birthday supper came around...well, all I had was some soup....the kids were disappointed..they know their dad usually springs for Chinese food on my birthday. My hubby decided that he wouldn't get a birthday cake that day...that he'd wait til Sunday when the grandkids were here........by that time my mood was lower than snakes belly so I agreed.

Then hubby and three kids deserted the area for the evening and hubby was going to stop at my sister's house on his way home because once a week we are suppose to water her plants while she's enjoying sunny Florida. When hubby returns he says...'I didn't stop, do you want to go over with me'.....I said 'sure, why not'....I grabbed my jacket but left my purse on the floor in the livingroom. Well, when we returned...some of my credit cards were on the floor....some had puncture holes in them....looking further I found the remains of the lovely soft leather billfold that I kept all my plastic cards in....without the soft leather!!!!! All gone, completely gone....no trace....the lovely leather is now in the stomach of that black beast in the picture.....I almost cried....a perfect ending to the day......I went to bed.

His name is Tucker....and if you see this black beast running around your neighborhood, with his metal dish (that he's not suppose to like) in his mouth....then don't naturally assume that he's escaped.....he just might have had a little help.......

A Friend indeed...

Yesterday was a no good, terrible, horrible day....you know those kind that 'you think that it couldn't get any worse....but it does'........
I've been dealing, well not really dealing...as my body will attest to.......let's say,..being lambasted by stress from every corner of my life for the last few weeks....or months.....my husband insisted that I get myself back to the chiropractor yesterday because the pain in my neck going up into my head was so severe that I couldn't lift my head off the pillow without aid.

Before I could get out the door, Ben's teacher called. Now, you may remember Ben's story a couple of posts ago. Ben's class is going bowling this week....every month they go bowling.....and Ben feels that it's his right to go. Well, in light of his aggression with his sisters the other Saturday, I've been curtailing his extra activities....they're privileges..which he made the choice to lose for awhile. Well, teacher wants to know why this should be impacting school stuff since this is a home restriction. I try to explain that in Ben's mind there is no separation and I have to take every opportunity to get through to his damaged brain that what he did was very wrong.

Teacher was supportive but wasn't getting it really...so, stupid me...opened my big mouth and told her exactly what he did to his sisters...then she fully understood and everything was fine.

Until I got a call from hubby as I was leaving the chiropractor....the chiropractor who had just given me an expensivethatwecan'tafford adjustment plus some homeopathic little pills to help with the nerve pain caused by the stress!!!!!!!!! When your hubby asks if you're in a public place and he's got a strain to his voice, you kind of know that he's not about to whisper sweet nothings in your ear! Apparently, Ben's teacher called him, since she couldn't get me....she had been giving a lot of thought to what her and I had chatted about and in talking to the vice principal they decided that they should inform the Childrens Aid Society !!!!!

To say that I was 'blown away' was an understatement! As I was driving I put a call into the CAS to talk to our adoption worker. She's been in charge of our last four adoptions and knows our family really well....she's become more of a friend then a social worker to me.....halfway home, I decided to stop at the 'Agency' and talk to her...thankfully she was in.
We talked for almost an hour. She told me that Ben was too old for them to remove him from the home but that the worst case scenario was that he could be reported to the police and charged with assault! That would be like charging a 6 year old! My friend said that she would go to the 'intake' department and talk with the worker on call and explain the situation for when the call came in.
I left there with anxiety in my heart....wondering what the outcome of the day would be ....wishing my hubby was there to hold me.....
Later, in the afternoon, the teacher called and told me that they had called CAS, and they had called her back and told her that the parents had things under control and that they would just be offering any services that they could...although my friend and I determined that there weren't any.

Then my friend called me...she said 'all was clear, not to worry, everything would be alright'...well, as far as CAS was concerned. Never as far as Ben is concerned.

Yesterday morning I was feeling quite down and in despair and I asked the Lord to give me a friend that I could talk to.......my sister is in Florida for several weeks, I couldn't talk to her...I tried to look up on the Internet to see when another friend was working,..she works at the library at a town about 45 minutes away...couldn't find the times.......I tried calling another friend who lives a couple of hours away...but just got her machine......
.... but after I left the agency and I was sitting at home with a cup of tea and resting....I realized that the Lord had indeed given me a friend yesterday....just when I needed her (anyone that deals with these kinds of children agencies knows how difficult it is to get to talk to a worker when you need one)......this friend listened to me talk for an hour, she helped me, she encouraged me and before we parted she gave me a big hug.

As I sat there, remunerating about the whole afternoon...I realized that God had indeed sent me a friend. Pretty neat eh?

Donovan

Here he is....I finally got daughter Lauren to send me his picture....This is Donovan....he was 4 years old last Sunday.

I think I have just the cutest grandchildren....of course, I'm not partial or anything!

Birthday Weekend!

Well, this weekend was just full of birthdays! On Saturday, our Emma turned 15 years old. Tomorrow, on the tenth, it will be eight years since she came to live with us and we adopted her. It's been quite a ride! Emma has a lot of allergies and asthma...I'd never encountered asthma before, in all the years that we fostered...it was a little scary at first...#1 because I really didn't know what it was and what kind of damage was going on when she had difficulty breathing and #2...going into a panic attack when we would go away to someone's house or to our trailer and the inhaler was left at home! She also has a lot of allergies and new ones seem to crop up all the time...one day I got an urgent call from my husband because the highschool called him ...Emma had an allergic reaction to some food she had eaten that wasn't on the list of the things she had been tested for...by the time hubby got to the school, the ambulance was transporting her to the hospital! She was okay but it did give us a little pause for concern. About four years ago, Emma started to have some difficulties with a persistent cough. After a trip to the doctor, a virus (you know, what doctor's usually say when they don't know what to say). A few weeks later, another doctor visit..this time they said it was bronchitis...a few weeks later they said the cough was pneumonia! For the next 9 months they said she had pneumonia 4 times! Finally, another doctor....this was at least 5 different doctors later...said she needed a cat scan....a month later they were removing 2/3 of her right lung along with a rare benign tumour! Nine Months People!!!!!!!

So, Emma is fine physically...goes for regular annual check ups...the surgeon doesn't have any idea how she got the tumour so they monitor it to make sure it's not coming back. So, that's Emma......

The other birthday is for my grandson that I don't have a picture of yet...that sounds a little weird I know and as soon as I get a picture I'll post it cause he is a cutie. The reason I don't have many pictures is because we don't see him very often, and the pictures I have were taken with my non digital camera...our second oldest son and his girlfriend had a little boy four years ago today...his name is Donovan. My son and Donovan's mom are no longer together but usually every other Sunday our son has visits with Donovan at our house. Last Sunday we had a birthday cake for Donovan and tonight hubby and I were able to go to Donovan's other grandparents house to give him his birthday gift. I hummed and hawed at the store trying to get him a toy that he didn't already have ...I chose a Tonka tow truck with sounds and flashing lights.....he loved it! I was so pleased.

In a couple of weeks my oldest son will celebrate his 32nd birthday! When my oldest kids were younger, my side of the family used to get together to celebrate the November birthdays....between the ones in our house and and nieces and a brother.....there was at least six! November was a very expensive month! Well, now everyone has gone and grown up and we don't have those big get togethers anymore, which is too bad, in a way...it's always nice when family members can get together and celebrate a good thing!

Ben

The young man with the baseball glove is our son Ben. He was thrilled when this picture was taken because he was sitting in the Blue Jay's baseball team's dugout. The Blue Jays are Ben's absolute favourite sports team.

Ben came to live with us when he was three years old....his older brother and his younger sister already lived with us as foster children. We knew that Ben had some delays...developmentally and verbally, but we didn't know and nobody could tell us what effect this would have on his development growing up. Over the last fifteen years, Ben's body has grown but his mind has not. Ben will be 18 next March but developmentally he'll be always be six years old. Although he was always tiny in stature in the last few years he's grown to 5'8"...much taller than we ever thought he'd get..and because we believe that he does have some effects of Fetal Alcohol , he is extremely strong.

People that know Ben think that he is very sweet and gentle...but unfortunately Ben has another side.....if you cross him he reacts with a rage that is becoming alarming. Ben has been seeing an anger management therapist since the summer....so far, it's not helping and I'm not sure it ever will. When Ben is crossed he reacts like any kindergarten kid when he gets his tower of blocks knocked over.....he physically attacks,...but because he's the size of a grown man, because he has unbelievable strength, things have changed in our house.

Last Saturday, when my hubby and I went out to get some groceries, one of our daughters crossed Ben...he reacted....he pulled them to the ground, he punched them, he tried to strangle them....they were very scared. I say them because when one sister tried to aid the other then he also turned on her.

Now, we can no longer leave our son at home without an adult present....if I go out, he has to go along. If, both hubby and I go out, then Ben has to go elsewhere...to someone else's house...where my daughters will be safe....where Ben will be safe, because Ben doesn't know how to keep his environment safe.....safe from him losing control and one day really, really hurting someone..........really hurt.

They didn't tell us that it would be like this.

Dorothy and the happy elephant and the sad lion....

Well, everyone has posted pics of the kids in their costumes, so I decided to join the ranks...not that I'm a big halloween fan.....but...don't they just look the cutest! Jairus, the sad lion.....

Verity, the happy elephant.....

Dorothy, from Oz.....in reality, Honour with her little sister Afton.

There they are....all ready to go out and get some loot!

Youngest grandbaby....

This is cutie baby Afton. She will be 6 months old on November 6th......and she has cut her very first tooth !!!!!...her mom just discovered it yesterday....

.....and just look at those long eyelashes......can you see her charming some poor unsuspecting soul with those in a few years?

oh my....