This is my mom and dad...they've been apart now since the Tuesday before Easter, when my dad went into the hospital. His Ulcerated Colitis was out of control and he wasn't able to get to his dialysis, so the doctor admitted him.
Up until my dad went into the hospital, my mom was steadfast in her resolve not to go into the retirement home. After the first night without dad, she told my sister that she thought that maybe they should. We moved quickly because with my mom's dementia you never knew just when she'd change her mind. Unfortunately, my dad's hospital confinement has been lengthened when he contracted the Norwalk Virus....which thankfully he survived but left him 20 lbs lighter and weak as a kitten. Now, he faces a couple of weeks of rehab to get stronger and more mobile.
Yesterday was moving day for my mom...for the past two weeks she has done quite well...oh yes, she made it clear to everyone that she didn't want to leave her home for the retirement home but that she would go if it meant getting dad back home. It was a very long and exhausting day for her...the last few days she's hardly slept at all and continuously spoke of how she would be so glad when it was all done. We all worked hard, but especially my sister to get her new home as familiar and cozy for her as possible and all went well until the afternoon.
Mom had been asking thru out the day, when she was going to see dad...she really needed to see him.....unfortunately we were all busy moving her furniture and belongings, getting everything set up...unfortunately, I had been able to get rid of two of my appointments yesterday but still had two more that I couldn't rearrange and had to take time away from the move to attend to......she kept asking...something kept niggling at me that we needed to get her there but no one was available til after supper. By mid afternoon she started to spiral and by 5 o'clock she was refusing to go back to the retirement home, (they were at a local coffee shop)...she came to my sister's house for some soup, which she hardly ate....she was angry, as she sat there with her arms folded...sometimes crying.....she kept saying over and over that there had to be another solution to all of this, there just had to be....we cried with her.....there was nothing we could do...
my brother took her to see dad...she was told before she left that she'd have to make a decision of where to sleep that night...my sisters or the retirement home....my youngest brother even offered to sleep on her couch the first night....she decided that she'd do it herself...at the retirement home.......but all she wanted to do was go back to her house.......none of her belongings were there....we tried to gently explain.....
it's really not fair...really....the elderly should be able to live where they want at the end, be with whom they want, not be separated by those that they've loved and been married to for 66 years when you have to go through these trials and tribulations...
it's really not fair.
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