At 4:51 a.m. I awakened to the sound of constant nails clicking on the wood hallway floor outside my bedroom. It was one of our dogs, named Reilly. I knew it was him because our other dog, Maggie was tied up in our bedroom. We found that if we give her free reign during the night that she sneaks out into the living room and sleeps on the furniture! A big no-no in my house...I love my doggies but I do not allow them on the furniture! Back to Reilly....I have no idea what his problem was but, being the dutiful wife that I am,...I woke up hubby....'there's something wrong with Reilly, he keeps pacing up and down the hallway...maybe he needs to go out'.....if you knew my hubby, then you'd know that he wasn't impressed with these words...(as I stayed snuggled in my bed). When hubby got up, well, wouldn't you know..Reilly went into Maya's room and laid down...hubby kept calling him to come so he could put him out but he wouldn't go...finally I got up and coaxed him down to the back door.....all that commotion woke me up....
As I was laying there, trying to get some more sleep, my thoughts naturally went to my dad....he's still in the hospital, still not doing well,...in fact he's probably worse and so is his mental state...he's very discouraged and depressed. He told my mom that day that he didn't think he'd be coming home. The night before my little brother said to me that he didn't think dad would be coming home and when I, in great concern relayed this thought to hubby...he said, he'd been having the same thought himself.......
......as I lay there, trying to go back to sleep...I started praying, praying that the Lord would lay his healing hand on my dad, praying that he'd be able to come home to my mom....but selfishly, I was probably praying that my dad wouldn't leave just yet.....
Growing up my dad was always my security, he was strong, worked all day, came home and worked all evening..mowing the lawns, rotor tilling the garden....always working...always there...when I married it took awhile for me to transfer that security to hubby.....you find yourself, in the beginning mentally comparing the two men, whether you realize it or not....I don't know when the transfer became complete ...it must have been gradual because I wasn't aware of it.
I sat there, at the hospital yesterday, watching my dad....his quality of life really does suck right now....I hate to see this man who was so mighty and strong at one time, just lying there, sleeping often, still being subjected to the nasty side effects of his ulcerated colitis, still having needles all the time for his diabetes, still having to be painfully poked and prodded, many times a week for his dialysis....
When my mom speaks of her new living conditions at the retirement home...she quotes her mom, when she went into a nursing home...'I never thot it would come to this'.....
I sit and stare at my dad and think...'I never thot it would come to this......
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