This Week.....

I was reading another blog this morning and this blogger spoke about an accident in the Dallas area that took a pastor's life...he was a well known pastor, David Wilkinson.....apparently the last journal entry he made contained these words....

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

These words got me to thinking......I keep stashing 'the elephant in the room' back into the deepest parts of my mind.......when the big gray beast would try to emerge, I would push him back.....sometimes, it flashes in my mind...just what I was doing at this time last year....Don and I were enjoying a few days in Chicago...he had a pricing conference...I went along for a few days of R and R....I had been torn about going...everyone kept saying that I needed to go....I knew my dad wasn't well....every day I would communicate with my sister, and everyday she would say he was getting better...all the physical signs indicated that was the case.

By Friday, the conference was done and Don had arranged a few days at a hotel overlooking the river in Chicago...it was a beautiful room...after we checked in we went for a walk...while we were out, the first of many texts came into my phone...texts that started a fear way down in the pit of I don't know where......until the final text came in, three hours later.....'call me'...it said.....and I knew....I knew....I showed the text to Don...wordlessly.....

He was gone....my dad was gone......'I shall know Him, I shall know Him,...by the prints of the nails in His hands'....dad was seeing those prints, those marks.......

This week has been hard....lots of things going on.....Maya is home....it's so hard when they come home after being away for awhile...they resent you doing your parenting thing...they've been without it...they think they're mature...all grown up...don't need it anymore...they get annoyed..you get stressed...you can see that their maturing still has a long way to go......they wish they were back where they were...part of you wishes that too....cause the others don't stop...Emma is falling deeper, deeper and deeper into the world that changes a soul...sometimes forever ....you despair...she thinks she's figured it all out...she can live in two worlds......she can't.....she has to make a choice...but she's young and the other world is appealing...she is not strong.....the weight on a mother's heart can be overwhelming sometimes....being a mom is not for the faint of heart that's for sure....

Mother's Day is coming...what does that truly mean to you....if you are already a mom...it is entirely different than if you're not....Mother's Day for me is hope and expectation.....but not too much expectation....I've learned that over the years..too much expectation is a recipe for hurt...for spoiling the day....last year my mom barely realized that it was Mother's Day....I've been trying to figure out the right balance for the day....it falls on the day right after her husband of sixty-six years left her...not willingly...but he did.....dad used to make something of the day for mom...I guess over the years we disappointed her ...dad was used to filling in the gaps...with mom's dementia we have to be careful not to overwhelm her with too much.....yes, a fine balance...

So....this is what's been going on with me this week.....a friend of mine just called...her husband's name is Dave...they took him by ambulance into the hospital last night...Dave is dying..cancer has taken over his lungs ...would you pray for Dave and Carol.... thank you...

I am grateful that He is embracing me...without that...there is nothing......my hubby is a great man..a great husband..loving, supportive, encouraging, loyal, committed....but I learned a long time ago that he is only human...he can not be there for me all the time...no human can be..it is impossible....but God is...doesn't mean I still won't feel the hurt, the pain but there is One stronger than me, than my husband...than my dad.....have you experienced it, if not then I pray that someday soon you will...