Letting Go...

Good Morning Company Girls!

Today Is The Last Official Day of Summer Holiday for My Teens!

Tuesday , Lord willing, three of them will get up early...that will be a departure for Emma to be sure who has slept in every day since we came home from Fairhavens til at least noon and most days, except Sunday, til 2p.m. ! They will leave the house at 7:45am and not return until 3 pm.

Maya, the one who is the eldest of the group (in reality Ben is but since he's developmentaly delayed and stuck as an 8 year old the rest of his life, Maya has moved into the eldest spot. I know it doesn't sound nice but it's a reality in this home and family.) Maya, Lord willing, will leave on Monday. The plan is for Hubby and I to take her up to Fairhavens (where our trailer is) with all her earthly possessions...because between Fairhavens and a place called Muskoka Bible Centre..a camp a little further north, those are the places that Maya will live for the next 8 months until the end of April. Of course she's very excited about the possibility of going on her very first plane ride to Costa Rica in January where the team that she's on are suppose to work for the whole month! I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for one of my babies to go that far away from me....but once again, I shall do an emmy award performance...it's all about the acting isn't it, when we're moms......

....have you thought about that...how many times your kids are going through a rough time...whether it's just a scrape on the knee, to giving birth to their first baby.....to moving out on their own to joining a fairly intense profession, to moving thousands of miles away to different time zones or just moving ten minutes away....how often do we put on our game face and plough on..cause that's what our kids are looking for...they're not looking for us to show all the fear and angst in our hearts that we can already see on their faces.....no, they're looking for us to be strong...someone that they can depend on while inside we're ready to scream and hold on to them because we know all those exciting adventures come with situations and decisions that they will be going through without you.....it's called growing up.....most moms have a problem with it...their kids growing up that is...in our family it really depends on the kid....all these times we are called upon to cover our feelings up and put on a solid front, as they say.

Sometimes, kids need to grow up and they don't want to....Maya is one of those kids. Yes, she'd love some of the things of growing up...she'd love to have a boyfriend...something I keep telling her to be patient about...the absolutely best guy for Maya is out there..somewhere...he'll have to be a special guy..someone who doesn't push her to hard...who doesn't expect too much...someone who will love and cherish her for the wonderful person that she is. Maya has a fabulous smile...it lights up a room. She's helpful and capable of so many things. I pray that any guy who comes into Maya's life will truly value her for who she really is....someone very special.

Then again...all my kids are special, each one unique...sometimes I wonder why God chose me to be their mom....it's like he said.....long before I was born...okay Marie, I'm going to give you this great guy to marry and you're going to have a few kids (understatement for me but not for Him)...some of them I will choose special to be born to you, one of them will live with me instead of you, and some I will pick out special to be born to other moms but really, they will live with you...you will be their mom. It will not be an easy mom role...in fact some days will be darn hard and some days you will feel like giving up....you will say you are done....but remember, I am with you, I will uphold you in my right hand, I will shelter you ...and I will give you strength.

Strength to rush a child to the e.r. who just burned her face, strength to comfort a child when his pet dog died, strength to let a child go when they make bad choices, strength to let your child go into the army, strength to let your child meet her birth parent (when every part of you screamed no) strength to go to appointment after appointment with a developmentally delayed child and hear those doctor's words that they'll never get better, strength to let a child go who you know needs this independence to grow but you're not convinced in your heart that she's ready (or maybe you're not ready), strength to go to counselling with a child and you don't know if it's ever going to get better, strength to deal with the repetitive questions, over and over and over, of why a child can't see her birth sister....a situation that was decided by others and you have no control over...a situation that because the child is developmentally three years old, the child will never comprehend.

So, yes, on Monday I'll be needing an extra measure of this strength Lord, because it will be hard ..it will be very hard to look into Maya's face and....let go.

Letting go...I think one of the hardest things a mom has to do.