Friday, April 24, 2009

A Valid Concern

Good Morning Company Girls!

As any of you know that have read my blog before....I have nine children. The first two are birth and the next seven are adopted. I mention the adopted part because it has to do with what I'm going to share with you.....

Four of our adopted children are half siblings.....they all have the same birth mom.....2 of these children are severely intellectually delayed. Even though they have the bodies of an 18 yr old young man and a 13, almost 14 year old teen age girl.......they are really a 6 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl.

Ben's (the young man) birth father had his wife call our house this week....out of the blue...just like that. They'd like a visit with Ben. My husband was unsure of what to say to them. You see, even though legally he's our son...well, he is eighteen....legal age to have contact with his birth family if he so chooses. Ben has never mentioned his birth family...he's lived with us full time since he turned 3 and last saw his birth father when he was 8 yrs old. The wife said she was going to call the adoption worker today to see what she says.......well I had a long talk with the adoption worker yesterday......she is going to encourage them to have a meeting with her where hopefully she can convince these people that this would be very confusing for Ben and not in Ben's best interests at all.

I have a very valid concern about this whole situation.......there is a reason why children come into care...there is as reason why those children are no longer with their birth family ......theses reasons rarely change......it's not like on television where the adopted child meets the birth family and it's a wonderful reunion and everyone lives happily ever after......it's been our personal experience in our family that it usually has a very negative traumatic effect on the adopted child......on our child....we are the ones that have parented our children all these years.....through the happy times, the sad, teary times,...and yes, the fights and arguments time...all of it.......though sickness and health, til death do us part...that's the commitment that we made......

If you would be so kind as to remember this situation and when the Lord brings it to mind, to please pray about it, I and my husband would be truly grateful.

21 comments:

One More Equals Four said...

Wow! I will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. This psot really puts things into perspective...my "problems" are really so small! Thanks for being so honest and for sharing with us!

Luke said...

Lord, I ask that You would give guidance and wisdom in this situation. May Your will be done and Ben be blessed with whatever happens. Amen.

Hang in there!

~Luke

Jo said...

What a difficult issue for you to face. I'll remember your situation in my prayers this weekend. Hope you have an enjoyable weekend.

Best wishes,
Jo

riotwife said...

This must be so difficult for you; I'll pray for God's guidance for you & your family and for His blessing over whatever you choose is best for your son.

I grew up with foster brothers and understand how devastating it can be for them to meet with their birth families. They would always come back upset from these meetings, feeling as though they'd been abandoned all over again.

Rachel Anne said...

Wow! Why is the birth mom wanting to meet NOW?? After so many years, it seems strange.

I'm going to pray that they won't follow through with this! You are the parents and know what is best for the kids, like you said...you've been through thick and thin with them.

You'll be in my thoughts...please let us all know what happens.

joyceandnorm said...

That is a tough situation, and I totally understand your point of view. I hope everything turns out okay. Will be in prayer for your family.

Dani said...

Marie,
Yes, I will remember you. I have no experience personally with adoption, but I have some friends who have dealt with this. Their children aren't delayed, and it was difficult for them. I can't imagine how much more confusing it would be for YOUR children. I will say a prayer for you.

Diane said...

((hugs)) and prayers. It would be difficult enough for someone without the challenges Ben has to see a "parent" who hasn't been part of his life, most likely for good reason. I'll pray for the adoption worker as well.

samantha said...

I already said a prayer for you. I hope things will work out for the best.

Crazy Lady Cheryl said...

I will be praying for you all as you go through this difficult situation...

Reese said...

Wow! What a kind heart you have!
I have friends with an open adoption,and it can be so difficult on their kids.
I'll keep you in my prayers

Kally said...

Just said a prayer! I hope things go the best they can!

Dusti said...

I will pray for your family. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

Southwest Iowa #822 said...

We will be praying too. Sounds like a difficult thing.

Gayla said...

Marie - Have 2 children that are adopted.....I understand your frustration. I will be praying for you today and in the days ahead. I agree that the concern about Be's confusion are at the forefront of this whole thing. Ben is the one you have to protect here because you ARE the parent. Hang in there! God IS in control!

mholgate said...

You will be in my prayers. It sounds like the adoption agency has the right idea and wants to help you out with the situation. I will pray that the birth father cooperates and understands that it is in Ben's best interest at this time not to meet with him.

Thank you for sharing. May God bless you with peace in the matter.

-Melissa

MyJourneyBack said...

Oh my goodness of course. I am so glad you came by my blog so I could meet you. I am fasicinated and in awe of people that first have lots of kids and secondly that some are adopted. You are a Blessing. I totally understand. If you visit my other blog you will see on my Monday posts about the work I do. I work with girls that are in a halfway house because they have been in the teen prison system and in many cases do not have an approved parental home. Some go to relatives which aren't much of s better choice. I breaks my heart. Yes I will pray for Ben and again I totally understand. Please visit me again and keep me posted.
Love,
Sherry

Mommahen said...

I think there is no better picture of God adopting us, than to see adoption in front of us. May God continue to bless you for acting as He has. I will pray for you and Ben. May God protect your hearts.

Dawn said...

What a difficult situation to be in. I will definitely keep you all in my prayers.

She's So There said...

Prayers for all concerned, for peace, for wisdom, for a spirit of cooperation.
hugs!
Sweetie

L2L said...

Stopping by a bit late, that you for the different perspective. I will keep your family in our prayers and pray that the Lord will change these peoples hearts to have Ben's best interest in mind and not be selfish.