commitment.....

Good Morning Company Girls...and a grey day it is today in my little corner of the world....

It's been an interesting week....for the last few months we knew that eldest daughter and her family were scheduled to move from their house to a new house in the month of February,and now...since I last communicated with you , we found out that two more daughters are moving...yes, can you believe it? Last week second eldest daughter and her partner purchased their very first home...and yesterday I found out that Emma is moving to a place of her own on the first of February!! I see the coming month as one of excitement and upheaval, joy and tears, stress and exhilaration....it should be interesting...if hubby and I can handle it all!

I was forced this week, to give some serious thought to relationships...I was asked to come to our local Children's Aid office to talk about being a foster parent who adopted a few children.....when I was asked, I laughed...and laughed and laughed some more.....you see, things aren't going so well with some of my kids right now, so I at first thought...'I am the LAST person that you want to have come and talk to prospective adopted parents!'....then the social worker said to me...she knows what has been going on....'Marie, even if you are feeling inadequate right now, people need to know about your commitment....that is the most important thing right now'. So, I went....I was suppose to talk for an hour to an hour and a half....when the worker said the evening was done, I had been sharing for 2-1/2 hours....relationships and the complexities of the lives of our children....not hard to talk about is it...not hard to find enough to say...you can go on and on and on....the interweaving of feelings, the fine dancing on eggshells as you try to navigate the patterns of their lives.....

as a mom, you want to fix things...but you cant...it's not as simple as when they were little and they fell and scraped their knee and you kissed it all better...a kiss all better doesn't solve the problems anymore...the weight of the descension overwhelms you and falls on your shoulders like a heavy cloak....it feels like the weight of those coverings they lay on you to protect you in an exray....although this cloak doesn't protect you from harmful rays or bitterness and anger...you feel every jab, every barb....every thrust wearies you.....

you try to figure out these relationships because you feel that if you could just do that then it would be a start...a start to the healing that is required...unfortunately, you also realize that it is too big...much bigger than you, as a mere mortal can handle ...the intertwining threads of their lives remind you of those huge electrical boxes filled with multicolored wires that you couldn't possible figure out.

I read many blogs and one talked about all the different papers and charts that there is to organize your life...from menu planning to thot planning...yes even to organize your thots, your prayers your challenges, your goals....I said to my hubby that I couldn't possibly do that....right now, my mind reminds me of those snowstorm days...you know when you are driving and the snow is coming at your windshield...so many white spots coming at you at a speed you can barely take in...or, if you don't live where there is snow and thus find it difficult to visualize..then, outer space...and the space ship is traveling and all the stars are coming at it...you must have watched star trek at some time....well, that's how I feel right now....all the facets of my life are traveling at me and there is no way I could ever compartmentalize into all the many categories that are required to be organized....

okay...so I ramble on....but there must be a key...a key to unlock all of this...I just haven't discovered it...and maybe I never will this side of heaven....I'm sure God has the answer....at the sharing time the other night, one parent asked me 'what keeps you going...what keeps you going to the hospital in the middle of the night...or being willing to go and help them when they've treated you so badly'? and I think the answer is that you never know when you'll be able to undo the wiring, see each individual snowflake as it comes by....you never know when your simple touch, your love will be enough to break thru all the mess...and you'll see a smile, a genuine smile filled with joy that you can feel deep down in the depths of your heart. That you've finally been able to convince them, whether they be birth child or adopted, that you are their mom, that you care...that you aren't going anywhere until the Lord takes you home...and even at that time I'll still be praying for them from heaven...I will not stop.





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Back to Normal...Whatever Normal is....

Good Morning Company Girls!

Normal...have we ever figured out whatever normal really is? Whatever normal is for one is completely out the window for another.....for me...it's getting back into routine...the older I get the more my mind and body crave routine...sounds like I'm a stick-in-the mud, doesn't it? Well, I guess after living for over 60 years, being married for 38-1/2 of the years, giving birth to 3 children, adopting 7 children, having 7 grandchildren..and lest I forget ...having numerous dogs in the family ...7 I believe...good grief, I'm seeing a pattern!....anyways, routine is good, routine is normal for me.

So, after four weeks of having house guests, and Christmas, New Years, and such thrown in,..this was our first 'normal' week in the house! Hubby went back to teaching two nights in the week, thus making it long days for both him and me on Mondays and Wednesdays (he goes to his day job and then pushes on to his evening classes)...on those days I usually don't cook...I tell my older kids 'it's get your own supper' night and they are used to that and make themselves something they enjoy....Maya goes off to work at the local coffee shop and Ben and Megan go off to school. The house is sooooo quiet after 7:30am....the dogs settle down and go back to sleep and I usually spend some time reading on the computer...catching up with emails and blogs and the ever changing Facebook statuses .....have you ever noticed some of the statuses..do I really want to know that you cooked a turkey, and a roast, cleaned your whole house, made 5 dozen cookies for the bake sale AND did it all before 10:30 in the morning!! Maybe I'm just feeling guilty cause I'm just in my nightgown reading this but good grief! Anyways...no, I'm not normally in my nightclothes still at 10:30am...I exaggerate....but sometime these statuses just give you far too much information!

Yes, life is getting there ...had two appointments yesterday...one was with our Children's Aid office...(NO WE ARE NOT ADOPTING MORE...WASH YOUR MOUTH OUT).....they wanted to talk to me about going to an information night for foster parents wanting to adopt...they thought I might have some knowledge in that area....after much laughter, I agreed to do that....and then I was suppose to go for a massage in the afternoon but on the way home from the first appointment I ran into a freak snowstorm....good grief...I'm not sure just what is going on with winter in our area of Canada but it's really weird...so far we've had two minor snowfalls, including yesterdays and it's coming up to the end of January....the weather guy said last night that we'll lose this snow by Sunday! Now, personally, I'm not a snow person, I know,....people in Canada are portrayed as loving snow and cold but really....some of us prefer the milder temps...really...honest! Back to my massage appointment...that I ended up rescheduling when it took me forever to get home from the first appointment and when I slowed to take a corner my abs brakes kept coming on to prevent me from sliding...I thought...'okay, I'm not willing to end up in a ditch just to get a massage and in all likelihood, undo any benefits of the massage! So, I rescheduled for today....which is hubby's alternate Friday off...which up until last night he said he'd have to work it....but..last night he said he was taking it off...so, hubby's day off wont be anything spectacular- grocery shopping, massage, paint shopping...finally picking out colours for the office (the bedroom that used to be Maya's)...and then taking the kids to youth group this evening...a ho hum regular day.....

Oh, and I'm working on a quilt wall hanging for the grand girls new bedroom,...they don't know about it so don't tell....it has a lot of appliqué which I've never really done before but it's kinda cute...I'll have to take a pic when it's done....so, ya..off to a regular routine day.....hope you all have a good one!

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My Day..

Good Morning...the sun is shining, hubby is 'at the gate', according to his text, at Buffalo airport waiting to board for his flight to Florida, Ben and Megan have left for school, Maya has crawled into bed ( after working her first night shift at Tim Horton's )..... And the dogs are sleeping...the house is quiet...I'm sitting here, contemplating my day....many things to do...tidy up from the weekend, put the quilting room in order cause little William should be sleeping in it tonight....eldest son Ryan is coming down, with his family, to join in the effort to get eldest daughter's house built so they can move in, five weeks from this Wednesday. Last week number three son helped building walls also....he said he enjoyed it....good thing he likes the cold....no heat on in the new house yet.....but number three son went back to the army, ( his regular job, he normally lives on base about five hours away from here)....which is good, cause them Maya could move back into the room he was using (which was hers, before army guy came home,) to make room for eldest son's family, to stay in her new room....confused yet? It's like musical rooms(chairs) around here! That's okay...we will survive! .....when Maya wakes up then I'll get the vacuuming accomplished.....sometime today, I'll get my quilting stuff gathered up cause tomorrow is quilting class! Yea!! It'll be good to see the ladies again. I have to try and find out today, just what is going on with Emma, our wayward daughter...she is suppose to be returning to the youth home today....if she behaved herself all weekend and came home for her curfew at the youth shelter(which is a different place than the youth home).... Haven't heard from her since last Thursday when she sent me some confusing texts....I sent her a text last night but she didn't respond. So, I guess i'll try the shelter and see if she's still there. It's a sunny day, and there are things to do, places to go, people to see...guess I'll get on with my day...have a good one! - Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Happy New Year!

Good Morning Company Girls! ...and a Happy New Year to one and all!

I have not posted for a few weeks....things have been rather confusing, busy and my poor brain has just been patiently waiting for my regular routine to return. The kids have been off school and they return on Monday....thank goodness...not that they've really been a problem...like for instance...it's after nine and they're still in bed and the house is quiet...I like quiet...it feeds my soul....but....because they are home I don't feel back into the regular routine yet. Three weeks ago, my army guy Paul, also came home for his Christmas leave....just in time to move into the room that Maya vacated....Paul has a girlfriend, Sara and he's been spending a lot of time with her...plus helping at eldest daughter's new house with the drywall install, so he really hasn't been here a lot. Trouble is..I really don't know when he'll show up and he wasn't too impressed when he came home for supper the other night, after working all day..in the cold (there isn't any heat on in the new house yet) and all I was serving for supper was soup and grilled cheese sandwiches! Oh well...

Our Christmas was just fine....all but two kids came home for Christmas dinner....I suppose this is the beginning of 'the sharing of the kids'...my sister has had to do it for years but I haven't really had to..I've been spoiled but I guess I'll get used to the new norm. Emma even came home for the day....she behaved herself just fine (but I really think she was 'on' something....just a little too subdued for my observations).

New Years Eve was quiet...have I mentioned that I like quiet.....hubby and I usually just spend it together...this year it was the first time that two of our kids were with us to watch the ball drop in Times Square....the next year we all travelled north for a little over an hour to visit hubby's mom for the afternoon...it was a lovely visit and his mom appreciated us coming.
This week, we had a visit from a half sib of four of our adopted kids...she was adopted into another family...they hadn't seen each other in a couple of years so they were all quite excited....we took pics but Paul declined to be included so it just shows the four of them...

So, next week...I was hoping for normal routine but I'll just have to keep hoping cause hubby flies down to Miami first thing Monday morn...of course...it's just business (as he keeps assuring me)....but it's a lot warmer than it is here, I keep telling him....he's only scheduled to be gone a couple of days, returning on Wednesday evening....so...we'll see how next week goes....maybe the following week will be 'normal'....now I'll try to post some pics..not sure where they'll end up in the post but you'll get the gist.



Lauren and Samuel


Honour and Verity


Paul and Sara


Emma and Lauren and
Lauren's boyfriend Ryan


Samuel and Afton


Eldest daughter's house


The Sibs...Megan, Katie (not mine) Maya and Ben..


Samuel and William in the matching outfits we bought them for Christmas...aren't they handsome!


My Christmas table...


Hubby and his youngest grand boys .....


Opening presents....


Visiting hubby's mom....


My hubby and what he does best...putting the babies to sleep...(although it's usually interesting to see who gets to sleep first!)

That's it! I wont bore you with anymore...a snapshot of my life for the last few weeks...have a great week!