There have been so many times, too numerous to count that someone has said to me..'you should write a book'....pshaw...I would say....I'm not a writer....I do love to read..but write...no way.
As I have been on holidays this last week, the idea has come to the forefront...not that I think I've become a writer overnight but, who else would tell the stories of this huge family that my husband and I have! We're not talking Duggar size...but pretty big by today's standards.
The only thing I ever really write is my blog post....and that of late hasn't been very often, but.....I thought maybe, just maybe I could write a blog post once a week or so...lets not get carried away by deadlines now....that could be like a series...we won't say book...that's just too intimidating...but series,...yes, maybe I could give that a try.....
My husband and I have ten children....yes, ten.....nine on earth and one in heaven....are we amazing, as some people say....absolutely not....are we crazy....ABSOLUTELY!
In thinking about the absolute beginning of this story, we must go back sixty-two years to when I was born.....it was in the middle of the night, a few weeks before my due date that my mother awoke...as most pregnant women do, with the urgent need to get to the bathroom. As she quickly went down the hallway, she was horrified to think that she was peeing as she walked! Upon arriving at the bathroom though, she discovered that she was actually bleeding. As she waited, on a chair by the front door for the ambulance to come, she was scared. I was her second child, ..in the previous year her husband ( my dad) had fallen thirty feet of a bridge, while welding and broke his back in three places....she had been through enough, she thought...but things had just begun.
Upon arriving at the hospital, she was admitted and tests were done...placenta previa was the diagnosis ....the placenta was coming first....certain death for babies back then. She laid in the bed for hours, and then felt something happening...she called for the nurse, and upon examination, the placenta and I had switched places and now I was coming first. And come I did...hands first, my mother says....guess I had to feel my way !
It didn't take them long to figure out that I had a few things missing....like muscles! Not all of them, just some....like 50% of my arm muscles, and underdeveloped deltoids....that would never develop to full strength. My mother, as mothers before her accepted my deficiencies and forged ahead. Over the years, we went through hours and hours of physiotherapy , four surgeries, doctors upon doctors appointments, and ballet lessons! Yes, ballet....due to the arms not working correctly it affected my posture which the doctors said would be helped with ballet!
My parents, but especially my mother, pushed me into being the independent person that I am today....that I could look after the needs if a large family is completely from my mothers total dedication to me developing into a person that could and would function without the help of others....from dressing myself, feeding myself.....to growing up, learning all the domestic chores, to doing crafts, knitting, sewing my own clothes, to playing baseball...yes, catching the ball! I was on the school team...and no, I couldn't catch those fly balls with my hands but I could with my stomach ! (I ended up with extremely strong stomach muscles!)
Throughout highschool, I like every other highschool girl, had crushes on certain guys.....of course, most of them didn't notice.....there were two or three that seemed to but I would immediately be very questioning of their intentions....after all I reasoned....why would any reasonable guy want to date someone with crooked arms when he could have any number of girls who didn't!
After I graduated high school, I got my first job.....something my high school typing teacher said I'd never get....I was a typist! For two years I was a statistical typist for a wholesale hardware company...not very glamorous but it was a job.....
I also met my husband......
The summer after I graduated, my grandparents were going on one of their regular jaunts back to the 'old country' as they referred to it...Ireland. My grandfather had been making little comments that gave me the impression that they might ask me to go with them! I was very excited....the waiting was very difficult....summertime was starting though and still they hadn't said anything, so when I received a call asking if I could come and work at a camp for the month of August, I agreed. It was after that my grandfather confirmed that they had been going to ask me!
So, off to camp I went...it was a camp for underprivileged kids and I was given a cabin of 12 eight year old boys. Myself and another girl were suppose to look after these kids for a week...at the end if the week , a new batch would come...this went in for the whole month if August! The very first weekend my roommate/co counselor was late , by a few days , coming in.....the head of the camp asked this quiet young man to help me....and the rest is history....this past June we celebrated forty years of marriage.....there was somebody for me...someone who accepted and loved me just the way I was.....amazing .
Friday, July 12, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
Blessings and Prayers
Good Morning!
At this moment I am sitting on our lanai at the beautiful Plantation Inn in Maui ......I'm enjoying the last hour before we fly to our next destination...Kauai.....sounds very glamorous I know....and it is...not my usual life of taking kids to appointments, reminding them to shower, brush their teeth...and so on, and so on.....
A week ago yesterday, we flew from Buffalo to Seattle, via a stop in Dulles airport Washington. The next day we flew to Maui.....it's been a wonderful week although it had a rocky start....we walked up and down Front Street of Lahaina that first afternoon, looking for a place to get supper.....hubby was very particular....he didn't want this, he didn't want that...one menu item appealed to him at one of the beach side restaurants.....so we ate there. It was beautiful...unfortunately whatever he ate didn't agree with him and for the next 24 hours was quite ill...fortunately, he recovered and the rest of the week went quite well. Tuesday we travelled up in elevation so he could go Ziplining! He was so excited! I really can't take heights...they had to cross an Indiana Jones type bridge....and I didn't think my hands could handle the ropes and such so I stayed in the car and read and quilted....I was happy, he was happy...it all worked out....guess that's why we've been together almost 43 years....40 this Sunday as husband and wife....
Tuesday, hubby had booked himself into a semi submerginal boat to go and see the sights below water, while I did a walk down Front street, checking out some shops.
In the evening we attended a luau! What an experience that was....the dancers, both men and women were amazing !
Wednesday we went to another town and found a quilt shop where I was able to buy some material to make a Hawaiian style quilt.....very exciting but very intimidating also....it requires a LOT of material, and I can't come back and get more if I mess up!
Yesterday, we just took it easy...the temps here have been in the nineties so it doesn't take much for you to feel fatigued....
We've loved staying here in Maui...our room was perfect, I wish I could take it home...complete with the beautiful lanai with the cushioned wicker furniture....it's truly been a delight.
It's been a long road, saving for this trip but well worth it to celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary......so many blessings and so many reasons to enjoy being with each other.....the prayer part of my post is asking for prayers for my brother in law, husband of my sister....just two days before we left, he was taken into the hospital with severe back pain......it didn't take the doctors long to find out that the pain that the family doctor thought was a bulging disc pressing on the nerves was actually cancer. Since then they've found it in several places in his body, biopsy results are still pending to finalize just what kind of cancer it is. To say my sister and her husband are in shock is putting it mildly...no one even considered that this was a possibility......please pray for Adele and Dave as they to through this nightmare.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
At this moment I am sitting on our lanai at the beautiful Plantation Inn in Maui ......I'm enjoying the last hour before we fly to our next destination...Kauai.....sounds very glamorous I know....and it is...not my usual life of taking kids to appointments, reminding them to shower, brush their teeth...and so on, and so on.....
A week ago yesterday, we flew from Buffalo to Seattle, via a stop in Dulles airport Washington. The next day we flew to Maui.....it's been a wonderful week although it had a rocky start....we walked up and down Front Street of Lahaina that first afternoon, looking for a place to get supper.....hubby was very particular....he didn't want this, he didn't want that...one menu item appealed to him at one of the beach side restaurants.....so we ate there. It was beautiful...unfortunately whatever he ate didn't agree with him and for the next 24 hours was quite ill...fortunately, he recovered and the rest of the week went quite well. Tuesday we travelled up in elevation so he could go Ziplining! He was so excited! I really can't take heights...they had to cross an Indiana Jones type bridge....and I didn't think my hands could handle the ropes and such so I stayed in the car and read and quilted....I was happy, he was happy...it all worked out....guess that's why we've been together almost 43 years....40 this Sunday as husband and wife....
Tuesday, hubby had booked himself into a semi submerginal boat to go and see the sights below water, while I did a walk down Front street, checking out some shops.
In the evening we attended a luau! What an experience that was....the dancers, both men and women were amazing !
Wednesday we went to another town and found a quilt shop where I was able to buy some material to make a Hawaiian style quilt.....very exciting but very intimidating also....it requires a LOT of material, and I can't come back and get more if I mess up!
Yesterday, we just took it easy...the temps here have been in the nineties so it doesn't take much for you to feel fatigued....
We've loved staying here in Maui...our room was perfect, I wish I could take it home...complete with the beautiful lanai with the cushioned wicker furniture....it's truly been a delight.
It's been a long road, saving for this trip but well worth it to celebrate our fortieth wedding anniversary......so many blessings and so many reasons to enjoy being with each other.....the prayer part of my post is asking for prayers for my brother in law, husband of my sister....just two days before we left, he was taken into the hospital with severe back pain......it didn't take the doctors long to find out that the pain that the family doctor thought was a bulging disc pressing on the nerves was actually cancer. Since then they've found it in several places in his body, biopsy results are still pending to finalize just what kind of cancer it is. To say my sister and her husband are in shock is putting it mildly...no one even considered that this was a possibility......please pray for Adele and Dave as they to through this nightmare.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, May 31, 2013
Lord Willing.....
Lord willing....it was an expression that my grandfather used to say...he was from 'the old country'...they used to say that expression too...I grew up thinking 'the old country' was Ireland...never realizing that it referred to any country that someone had left behind to live in a new country....
Lord willing......I think it originated from that scripture passage...not sure where it is...but that one that says something about not making plans...oh, I think it was the guy that kept building the bigger barns, but then lost everything.....so, people would say....Lord willing, when they talked about plans they had or were making....just so God didn't think they were taking the future into their own hands....that we were about to tell God just what we were going to do,...without seeking his plan....
We make plans in our lives...most of us our planners.....when you're growing up it's the plan of 'what will we be when we grow up' ...will we get married...will we have 2.5 children....(kind of blew that one out of the water....never did like that .5 anyways)....will we live in the city, or the suburbs...or what city...what province...what state....we make plans for holidays, family outings ( as our family grew larger, they became less)....do we buy this car/van now, or do we wait....
As life moves on, we get to the point of thinking about retirement....that far off grey area that when we were younger seemed so far away...plenty of time to think about that, plenty of time to plan....but now it's closer, now your plans include things that you'll never do.....the realization is a disappointing thought....like when I was a teen I always had a plan to live in the country, on a few acres, a big house with a wrap around porch, and five dogs...yes five.....lets see if I remember.....I think I wanted a Collie (like Lassie), an Afghan (not the blanket), an Irish Red setter (I am partly Irish), a Golden Retriever, and a Scottie dog...I know, the last one doesn't quite fit with the size of the other ones, but I always liked them.....so...have I realized those plans.....no...no country house, never owned any of the dogs I dreamt about...probably a good thing...all of the are high maintenance grooming, and well, if you asked my two old English sheepdogs we own now, they would probably roll their eyes in disgust ! As we were driving down a country road , a while back, the realization hit like a smack upside my head that that teenage plan would never come to fruition....I'm just too old....too old to move to a house like that, with that kind of upkeep, too old to have any more dogs after the two we have now...my kids don't believe me but how can you afford annual vet bills of over $400 , and that's even when they're healthy!, on a retirement pension!
So, some plans come and go....some are like vapours in the air.....like living in Texas...hubby had to do a lot of business trips to Texas...we both fell in love with the state....the people are just so darn friendly....hubby says 'let's move to Texas'.....I said that I couldn't leave my grand babies behind ( that was years ago when the grand babies were just starting to come)....
Plans....I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper.....( ok, why am I in debt then....because you didn't follow THE plan, stupid...oh ya, right.....I thot it was THE plan.....)
Plans.....as you sit and make your little plans and you stare off into that unknown called the future...your future....things are a little hazy....you know how you'd like things to be, whether they come to pass is an entirely different thing.....hubby and I thought we'd be getting close to being on our own by now....we had plans,...big plans , little plans....but, who knows whether they will happen...oh yes, God knows but he hasn't let us in on the Plan yet.....right now, it looks like the 22, 21and almost 18 year old kids that are still at home , will be here for a good while.....there is a severe shortage of specialized living places for adults with learning disabilities, don't ya know. The government failed to plan for that one...they failed to plan that when they allowed for all these moms to exercise their rights to ingest whatever chemical, drug or alcohol, into their pregnant bodies, that they'd have all these young adults on their hands needing a special place to live because their parents ( adoptive or birth ) were too old to look after them anymore!
Plans....we've been making some plans....in the month of June, we should be celebrating 40 years of when we made that formal commitment to love, honour, and obey...ya , I think it was obey....I know that became unpopular, but I think we did....it was a rainy day....I had planned sunshine....it never happened....the rain stopped for the picture taking ...I was too exhausted to care at that point....we had plans for a honeymoon...we could only afford camping...ya, me...camping....people that know me are laughing right now...I don't do camping....although we did have his parents trailer...not as bad as a tent....
And now 40 years later...hubby has made quite the grandiose plans....in one week from today, the plan is to fly from Seattle to Maui, to a quiet little B&B, spend a week there, hop over to Kauai , for the second week, then back to Seattle, and then on home .....two weeks....sigh....
Two weeks......Lord willing....two weeks...... :-)
Lord willing......I think it originated from that scripture passage...not sure where it is...but that one that says something about not making plans...oh, I think it was the guy that kept building the bigger barns, but then lost everything.....so, people would say....Lord willing, when they talked about plans they had or were making....just so God didn't think they were taking the future into their own hands....that we were about to tell God just what we were going to do,...without seeking his plan....
We make plans in our lives...most of us our planners.....when you're growing up it's the plan of 'what will we be when we grow up' ...will we get married...will we have 2.5 children....(kind of blew that one out of the water....never did like that .5 anyways)....will we live in the city, or the suburbs...or what city...what province...what state....we make plans for holidays, family outings ( as our family grew larger, they became less)....do we buy this car/van now, or do we wait....
As life moves on, we get to the point of thinking about retirement....that far off grey area that when we were younger seemed so far away...plenty of time to think about that, plenty of time to plan....but now it's closer, now your plans include things that you'll never do.....the realization is a disappointing thought....like when I was a teen I always had a plan to live in the country, on a few acres, a big house with a wrap around porch, and five dogs...yes five.....lets see if I remember.....I think I wanted a Collie (like Lassie), an Afghan (not the blanket), an Irish Red setter (I am partly Irish), a Golden Retriever, and a Scottie dog...I know, the last one doesn't quite fit with the size of the other ones, but I always liked them.....so...have I realized those plans.....no...no country house, never owned any of the dogs I dreamt about...probably a good thing...all of the are high maintenance grooming, and well, if you asked my two old English sheepdogs we own now, they would probably roll their eyes in disgust ! As we were driving down a country road , a while back, the realization hit like a smack upside my head that that teenage plan would never come to fruition....I'm just too old....too old to move to a house like that, with that kind of upkeep, too old to have any more dogs after the two we have now...my kids don't believe me but how can you afford annual vet bills of over $400 , and that's even when they're healthy!, on a retirement pension!
So, some plans come and go....some are like vapours in the air.....like living in Texas...hubby had to do a lot of business trips to Texas...we both fell in love with the state....the people are just so darn friendly....hubby says 'let's move to Texas'.....I said that I couldn't leave my grand babies behind ( that was years ago when the grand babies were just starting to come)....
Plans....I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper.....( ok, why am I in debt then....because you didn't follow THE plan, stupid...oh ya, right.....I thot it was THE plan.....)
Plans.....as you sit and make your little plans and you stare off into that unknown called the future...your future....things are a little hazy....you know how you'd like things to be, whether they come to pass is an entirely different thing.....hubby and I thought we'd be getting close to being on our own by now....we had plans,...big plans , little plans....but, who knows whether they will happen...oh yes, God knows but he hasn't let us in on the Plan yet.....right now, it looks like the 22, 21and almost 18 year old kids that are still at home , will be here for a good while.....there is a severe shortage of specialized living places for adults with learning disabilities, don't ya know. The government failed to plan for that one...they failed to plan that when they allowed for all these moms to exercise their rights to ingest whatever chemical, drug or alcohol, into their pregnant bodies, that they'd have all these young adults on their hands needing a special place to live because their parents ( adoptive or birth ) were too old to look after them anymore!
Plans....we've been making some plans....in the month of June, we should be celebrating 40 years of when we made that formal commitment to love, honour, and obey...ya , I think it was obey....I know that became unpopular, but I think we did....it was a rainy day....I had planned sunshine....it never happened....the rain stopped for the picture taking ...I was too exhausted to care at that point....we had plans for a honeymoon...we could only afford camping...ya, me...camping....people that know me are laughing right now...I don't do camping....although we did have his parents trailer...not as bad as a tent....
And now 40 years later...hubby has made quite the grandiose plans....in one week from today, the plan is to fly from Seattle to Maui, to a quiet little B&B, spend a week there, hop over to Kauai , for the second week, then back to Seattle, and then on home .....two weeks....sigh....
Two weeks......Lord willing....two weeks...... :-)
Friday, May 17, 2013
A Slice of Heaven.....
I love this weekend.....no not for the parties and celebrations of the 24th of May......and yes, we do celebrate our son's birthday and our granddaughter's birthday...they are very important.....but the one thing I look forward to the most are these......
In our front yard, we have two extremely old Flowering Crab Apple trees and one beautiful lilac bush.......
When we put our additions on six years ago, these trees took quite a beating...the big excavating machines tore at their branches, trampled on the ground around them....some of our kids thought we should remove the trees...after all, they were there when we moved in 33 years ago...and we have no idea how old they were even then....but I persisted in keeping them....I'm glad I did, because if the warmth and cold from the spring temperatures is just right, on the 24th of May weekend ( a holiday in Canada) I see this glorious sight out my front window....and the fragrance...the fragrance that you wish you could just bottle up and use for perfume.....the only draw back is that the dark pink of the trees lasts a little more than a day because the bees get busy and by the time they're done the flowers are a pale pink...the fragrance is gone, and eventually the petals fall....
As for lilacs....my very favourite flower......not too far from where we live is a Royal Botanical Gardens.....at this time of year, if you love lilacs, you must go to the lilac dell.....a beautiful valley filled with every different kind of lilac that you could ever imagine!
These pictures really don't do it justice.....it's a serene magical retreat that hubby and I try to get to every year.....they have benches there, and you can sit for the longest time, drinking in the quiet and peacefulness, the lovely shades of purples, pinks, creams and whites...and the fragrances....so marvelous...
Okay, I'm not crazy...really...but.....I lead and participate in a very crazy life, and every year I look forward to these few moments of serenity....it feeds my soul ..and I think we all need that, every once in awhile ...whether we realize that or not.....
In a few weeks, hubby and I are scheduled to go away for a little holiday...we are celebrating 40 years of wedded bliss....I anticipate, from all the pictures I've seen, that we will be suitably impressed with all the sights and sounds of the tropics.....
.....but, I think if anyone ever asked me where my most favourite place to be, at this time of the year...would be sitting on a bench , in the Lilac Dell.....drinking in the peace and serenity that we all need....we all search for...my little slice of heaven....
Friday, April 26, 2013
Prayer
I've been thinking a lot lately about prayer....we all do it at sometime or another...it doesn't matter at what level our faith or belief is at yet, we do pray. The believer prays all the time, it's a way of life, like breathing, an unconscious effort....the non believer , or the one that doesn't like to acknowledge believing, uses it as a last resort...'well, I've tried everything else, so I'm desperate , I'll try this'.....there's a saying that 'there isn't any atheists in a foxhole'....or something like that...meaning, no matter how much we shun god in our everyday life, when we're in a panic, or scared out of our skulls, we turn to him and expect him to jump to it....and when they don't get the answer they desire, quickly abandon prayer as..'see, I told you it didn't work'.....but, really...if you have shunned a relationship with someone who is on the level of a stranger, do you really expect the stranger to snap into action and help you?....I think not.
So, as I said...I've been thinking a lot about it lately....something I learned to do as a small child...something that most of us learned at that age...before we go to bed with the 'now I lay me's'.....or before we eat our food....'God, is great, God is good'.....as you got older, you realized that praying by rote is okay for little kids but you realized that you had to start thinking on your own....using your own words, a little more meaningful than memorized verse that you didn't even have to think about.
You went thru the stage of not wanting your friends to know that you prayed before your lunch at school, so you devised different ways....looking off into space, that dazed look on your face...after all, we don't have to close our eyes...it just helps to shut out the distractions....although dangerous if you do it while driving your vehicle...or when you're lying in bed....you usually fall asleep before you're done....
You get thru the next stage of choosing whether to believe in prayer, whether it's necessary in your life or not....I know some go thru this...I've seen it in my own children,...I've been fortunate,personally, I've never had to struggle with that one.
All this thinking about prayer has to do with the situation about Maya.....read the previous post if you're not aware.....
When maya and I went to our long awaited appointment this past Monday with the Cleghorn program staff.....we were given the news that I hadn't even thot about, hadn't even entered my mind....the chance that one of these confusion times would come, and instead of staying for about 10 days and then her coming back to us,...that it would come and stay ...for good...maya would be forever lost to us....she would be in a world of blank....at 21 years of age.
It didn't hit me til the next day....the horror of that possibility assaulted me from every which way....as I drove to quilting....I cried, I begged, I pleaded that this wasn't so....I sat in quilting, quiet, withdrawn unable to talk.....my friends immediately knew that something horrible was going on....thru tears I shared what had been told to us the day before....of course they said they'd pray....people say that in these situations....sometimes they mean it and sometimes they're just words. There it is again....prayer....I'll pray for you....prayin' for ya'.......how many times have we said that and meant it...how many times have we followed thru?
It came to me that maya needed prayer...of course she did...but how....well, I reasoned...just praying for her to get better, which hubby and I've been doing since this began at Christmas....just didn't seem enough....with this latest bomb dropped on us on Monday, I felt more was needed...a COMPLETE healing was needed.....I believe in that...I believe that can happen....but how...how do we pray that....this questioning made me turn to my bible...and hubby's bible...he has one that explains the bible passages...I was never good at understanding phrases that said one thing and meant another....but I was looking for complete healings.....there are a number listed, many that we learned as children...the ten lepers, the sick man lowered thru the roof by his friends, the man laying beside the pool that was helped by his friends....I remember hearing about these in Sunday school......there are others we learned about as we got older....the mother with her dying son, the centurion who believed that his child didn't even have to be touched...that Jesus just had to say the words, the woman , with the 'issue of blood'...that just touched the hem of his garment, and the one that spoke to me the most, in Mark 7... When Jesus went into a house and thot he'd have a few minutes to himself, but this woman pursued him, spoke to him and because of the words that she spoke, her child was completely healed.
Hubby and I lay in bed that night talking about this.....we have tried everything...doctors, medicines, supplements, counselors, ......and yet these people on Monday said it was all for nothing...that we didn't have control over this demon that has taken over Maya's brain. The stubborn part of me says..NO......it just can't be. As I said...it's not like we and many others haven't been praying...we have....so, I look again at the scriptures...these different accounts of healing...in all these instances, these people showed great faith....whether they were the people actually afflicted or their family or friends....they stepped out in faith.....that's what we need to do...but...Jesus isn't physically on earth like he was in the scriptural accounts.....but....he is here.....we can still step out in faith, we can still believe, believe that he doesn't physically have to be here to touch Maya, to heal her....the centurion believed it, the mother in Mark believed it...her child was home and in bed.....
I choose to believe.....I choose to believe that maya will be healed....I am trying to step out in faith.....
Will you join me, my friends...my family....I know some read this blog but don't comment...not even to me....that's okay....that's not important...
The important, the most critical right now...is...will you step out in faith with Don and I , believing and thanking God that Maya will be healed....completely.
Will you?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
So, as I said...I've been thinking a lot about it lately....something I learned to do as a small child...something that most of us learned at that age...before we go to bed with the 'now I lay me's'.....or before we eat our food....'God, is great, God is good'.....as you got older, you realized that praying by rote is okay for little kids but you realized that you had to start thinking on your own....using your own words, a little more meaningful than memorized verse that you didn't even have to think about.
You went thru the stage of not wanting your friends to know that you prayed before your lunch at school, so you devised different ways....looking off into space, that dazed look on your face...after all, we don't have to close our eyes...it just helps to shut out the distractions....although dangerous if you do it while driving your vehicle...or when you're lying in bed....you usually fall asleep before you're done....
You get thru the next stage of choosing whether to believe in prayer, whether it's necessary in your life or not....I know some go thru this...I've seen it in my own children,...I've been fortunate,personally, I've never had to struggle with that one.
All this thinking about prayer has to do with the situation about Maya.....read the previous post if you're not aware.....
When maya and I went to our long awaited appointment this past Monday with the Cleghorn program staff.....we were given the news that I hadn't even thot about, hadn't even entered my mind....the chance that one of these confusion times would come, and instead of staying for about 10 days and then her coming back to us,...that it would come and stay ...for good...maya would be forever lost to us....she would be in a world of blank....at 21 years of age.
It didn't hit me til the next day....the horror of that possibility assaulted me from every which way....as I drove to quilting....I cried, I begged, I pleaded that this wasn't so....I sat in quilting, quiet, withdrawn unable to talk.....my friends immediately knew that something horrible was going on....thru tears I shared what had been told to us the day before....of course they said they'd pray....people say that in these situations....sometimes they mean it and sometimes they're just words. There it is again....prayer....I'll pray for you....prayin' for ya'.......how many times have we said that and meant it...how many times have we followed thru?
It came to me that maya needed prayer...of course she did...but how....well, I reasoned...just praying for her to get better, which hubby and I've been doing since this began at Christmas....just didn't seem enough....with this latest bomb dropped on us on Monday, I felt more was needed...a COMPLETE healing was needed.....I believe in that...I believe that can happen....but how...how do we pray that....this questioning made me turn to my bible...and hubby's bible...he has one that explains the bible passages...I was never good at understanding phrases that said one thing and meant another....but I was looking for complete healings.....there are a number listed, many that we learned as children...the ten lepers, the sick man lowered thru the roof by his friends, the man laying beside the pool that was helped by his friends....I remember hearing about these in Sunday school......there are others we learned about as we got older....the mother with her dying son, the centurion who believed that his child didn't even have to be touched...that Jesus just had to say the words, the woman , with the 'issue of blood'...that just touched the hem of his garment, and the one that spoke to me the most, in Mark 7... When Jesus went into a house and thot he'd have a few minutes to himself, but this woman pursued him, spoke to him and because of the words that she spoke, her child was completely healed.
Hubby and I lay in bed that night talking about this.....we have tried everything...doctors, medicines, supplements, counselors, ......and yet these people on Monday said it was all for nothing...that we didn't have control over this demon that has taken over Maya's brain. The stubborn part of me says..NO......it just can't be. As I said...it's not like we and many others haven't been praying...we have....so, I look again at the scriptures...these different accounts of healing...in all these instances, these people showed great faith....whether they were the people actually afflicted or their family or friends....they stepped out in faith.....that's what we need to do...but...Jesus isn't physically on earth like he was in the scriptural accounts.....but....he is here.....we can still step out in faith, we can still believe, believe that he doesn't physically have to be here to touch Maya, to heal her....the centurion believed it, the mother in Mark believed it...her child was home and in bed.....
I choose to believe.....I choose to believe that maya will be healed....I am trying to step out in faith.....
Will you join me, my friends...my family....I know some read this blog but don't comment...not even to me....that's okay....that's not important...
The important, the most critical right now...is...will you step out in faith with Don and I , believing and thanking God that Maya will be healed....completely.
Will you?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
As I drove up James Street yesterday...I was reminded of the day, twenty one years ago this month, that I made a similar drive ....a drive that would end in me picking up a little new born girl....born three days earlier. I still remember that drive very well....I remember that every traffic light turned red, as I crept up the street in very thick traffic.....my body was tense...I had never been part of an apprehension before.....I was to meet the social worker in the stairwell of the maternity ward. Very cloak and daggerish....very exciting, very scary......the apprehension went well, no drama....until I realized that in my excitement of taking on this new responsibility ....I strapped the babe in her car seat, in my van, put my keys on the driver seat, locked the doors.....and....realized...with....horror.....that....I ....had....locked....the....babe...in....the....van....with....the...keys.......and a brand new worker, that I'd never met before watching me do it! Oh ...my...goodness.....to say I panicked was putting it mildly.....I raced back into the hospital to call my husband , (this was before cell phones!) who worked about a half an hour away,....he raced towards the hospital...making it in 20 minutes....thankfully the babe stayed asleep...oblivious to the whole scenario unfolding around her.....hubby unlocked the door, the social worker smiled and Maya and I were on our way home.....I don't recall how long it took me to stop shaking but we did make it home!
Twenty one years later, once again, I'm driving on James Street, with Maya in the seat beside me....but this time we're going up....not down....up to a medical building across the street from the hospital I had picked her up from....taking her to an appointment with workers, doctors and nurses that perhaps could give us some answers.....answers to what happened....what happened to this vibrant, happy ( for the most part) young woman , that on Christmas Day caused us to sign a paper agreeing to let her.....well, we really didn't have a choice, they said....it was court ordered...they were taking her anyways...taking her to the locked down mental ward of a hospital connected with the very one that she had been born at....the very one that I had picked her up at, when she was just 3 days old.....but this time it was a locked ward...not a locked van that her dad could rescue her from....we both felt so helpless and confused.
Complete stress breakdown, they said , at first. Don't worry, they said...we have an amazing doctor...she'll get to the bottom of this....she'll find out what's going on....she'll help her. They pumped her full of drugs....our beautiful Maya...sitting in a world that we couldn't reach....both physically and mentally.
For three weeks she was there....she gradually started to 'come out of it'...she begged to come home...we were with her every day, all day long....she had few visitors except for her two sisters who were faithful each day...not that the others didn't want to come, and help...but geographically it wasn't possible.
For three weeks, we fed her, toileted her, bathed her, dressed her....played games with her, coloured with her, walked with her...up and down the hall...over and over.....
Finally the doctor said she could come home....home was in a shambles....no one , but her brother and sister had really been there for three weeks...except one day, daughter Lauren came and did a cleaning blitz....no food in the house, no laundry done.....but we were home....home for a day...and then hubby would enter the hospital for much needed surgery....and he would be there for a week....my body and mind craved for it all to be over....for us all to be home....for us all to rest. Eventually, that happened....he did come home, and Maya and Don recovered.
Well, Don did...Maya...not so much.
Two and a half weeks after she was discharged, we were horrified to see her, once again, showing signs of confusion....within a day, she was completely 'zoned out'.....we were in despair....it had come back and we had no idea what to do....the hospital had been a terrifying experience for her and I was determined, if at all possible, to keep her at home. She wasn't violent towards us, or to herself so we were able to do it...but it was exhausting....the first few days she hardly slept, so either did we....you had to do for her as you would a toddler....each day we looked for signs that she was coming back to us....and about ten days later, gradually, she did....
After that, we were constantly watching, constantly on alert to it coming back....never able to plan things, go places...we didn't know if it would come back and if it did...when would it.
Come back it did.....about 45 days after the last time, ...it returned.....hubby had a business trip to California planned...just a three day one....but his first since he had been ill....the weekend before he left on the Monday, I noticed little things, little things that put me on guard, made me realize that she was slipping away again....and there wasn't anything I could do....by Sunday evening, her mind was blank and Don left on his trip four hours later. The next three days were an exhausting nightmare....she hardly slept and neither did I....when Don returned, he took a vacation day and stayed home to help.....the next day was Good Friday. Then about eleven days after it began, she came back....not remembering anything about it, talking as if the last eleven days had not taken place. (Yesterday the doctor said this was 'normal' ...apparently the brain doesn't record anything in a state of catatonia)
Maya has 'lost' about a month of her life at this point....time that she'll never get back...it's gone forever.
Yesterday, she met with all these people....people that help those who have a first psychotic event...people that are supposed to know what they're doing. Finally, I hoped, finally some answers.....not so fast, I'm afraid.....after interviewing us for 2-1/2 hours....they could only start to speculate...we have to go back....in two weeks...for more intel gathering...and then once again after that, for three months....the only thing they know, at this point is that Maya has something called Catatonia...which , when I googled...I discovered was a wide range catch all for many psychotic events. So far they can't tell me what caused or causes it, from what they said, it doesn't sound like it will go away permanently, in fact , the opposite...they terrified me, when they said it could come one time and stay!
This morning Maya got up earlier than usual, she said she didn't feel good...she said she was thinking abut what happened at Christmas...she said she was scared.
So am I.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Twenty one years later, once again, I'm driving on James Street, with Maya in the seat beside me....but this time we're going up....not down....up to a medical building across the street from the hospital I had picked her up from....taking her to an appointment with workers, doctors and nurses that perhaps could give us some answers.....answers to what happened....what happened to this vibrant, happy ( for the most part) young woman , that on Christmas Day caused us to sign a paper agreeing to let her.....well, we really didn't have a choice, they said....it was court ordered...they were taking her anyways...taking her to the locked down mental ward of a hospital connected with the very one that she had been born at....the very one that I had picked her up at, when she was just 3 days old.....but this time it was a locked ward...not a locked van that her dad could rescue her from....we both felt so helpless and confused.
Complete stress breakdown, they said , at first. Don't worry, they said...we have an amazing doctor...she'll get to the bottom of this....she'll find out what's going on....she'll help her. They pumped her full of drugs....our beautiful Maya...sitting in a world that we couldn't reach....both physically and mentally.
For three weeks she was there....she gradually started to 'come out of it'...she begged to come home...we were with her every day, all day long....she had few visitors except for her two sisters who were faithful each day...not that the others didn't want to come, and help...but geographically it wasn't possible.
For three weeks, we fed her, toileted her, bathed her, dressed her....played games with her, coloured with her, walked with her...up and down the hall...over and over.....
Finally the doctor said she could come home....home was in a shambles....no one , but her brother and sister had really been there for three weeks...except one day, daughter Lauren came and did a cleaning blitz....no food in the house, no laundry done.....but we were home....home for a day...and then hubby would enter the hospital for much needed surgery....and he would be there for a week....my body and mind craved for it all to be over....for us all to be home....for us all to rest. Eventually, that happened....he did come home, and Maya and Don recovered.
Well, Don did...Maya...not so much.
Two and a half weeks after she was discharged, we were horrified to see her, once again, showing signs of confusion....within a day, she was completely 'zoned out'.....we were in despair....it had come back and we had no idea what to do....the hospital had been a terrifying experience for her and I was determined, if at all possible, to keep her at home. She wasn't violent towards us, or to herself so we were able to do it...but it was exhausting....the first few days she hardly slept, so either did we....you had to do for her as you would a toddler....each day we looked for signs that she was coming back to us....and about ten days later, gradually, she did....
After that, we were constantly watching, constantly on alert to it coming back....never able to plan things, go places...we didn't know if it would come back and if it did...when would it.
Come back it did.....about 45 days after the last time, ...it returned.....hubby had a business trip to California planned...just a three day one....but his first since he had been ill....the weekend before he left on the Monday, I noticed little things, little things that put me on guard, made me realize that she was slipping away again....and there wasn't anything I could do....by Sunday evening, her mind was blank and Don left on his trip four hours later. The next three days were an exhausting nightmare....she hardly slept and neither did I....when Don returned, he took a vacation day and stayed home to help.....the next day was Good Friday. Then about eleven days after it began, she came back....not remembering anything about it, talking as if the last eleven days had not taken place. (Yesterday the doctor said this was 'normal' ...apparently the brain doesn't record anything in a state of catatonia)
Maya has 'lost' about a month of her life at this point....time that she'll never get back...it's gone forever.
Yesterday, she met with all these people....people that help those who have a first psychotic event...people that are supposed to know what they're doing. Finally, I hoped, finally some answers.....not so fast, I'm afraid.....after interviewing us for 2-1/2 hours....they could only start to speculate...we have to go back....in two weeks...for more intel gathering...and then once again after that, for three months....the only thing they know, at this point is that Maya has something called Catatonia...which , when I googled...I discovered was a wide range catch all for many psychotic events. So far they can't tell me what caused or causes it, from what they said, it doesn't sound like it will go away permanently, in fact , the opposite...they terrified me, when they said it could come one time and stay!
This morning Maya got up earlier than usual, she said she didn't feel good...she said she was thinking abut what happened at Christmas...she said she was scared.
So am I.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, April 12, 2013
The Learning Curve
As a mom of a very large family, I have learned a lot over the years.....much, much more than I would have if we had stopped at the average of 2.5 children....like how much of a child is .5?.......anyways.....each child with their special needs, their quirks, their personalities, their developmental issues....over the years my parenting/mothering skills have grown and changed. I can honestly say that I do not parent the same way today that I did when I started out thirty-nine years ago....I think as they grew, so did I ....I gained patience, organizational skills, knowledge that I never dreamt I'd need to know.....like the best way to tame minority hair, the best creams for brown skin that was constantly thirsty but sensitive to every cream on the market, how to comfort a baby who had been abused in the womb, how to feed a newborn baby whose digestive system had been turned inside out by cocaine and alcohol, how to stimulate a young child who never had any the first three years of their life.
So many situations sent me to many doctors . social workers, other mothers for the answers.....why isn't he saying any words, why is her body so rigid, what is this rash, why is she constantly vomiting, why does it take an hour and a half to drink two ounces of formula....some answers the doctors didn't have, some the answers were hard to hear.....
Some situations you railed at the system...the system that allowed these children to fall through the cracks, that allowed them to become victims , that saw their lives become filled with words that the average child would never hear....like court, judges, workers, visits......children that were used as pawns in the game....
Mothering so many children....I'm including them all....the ones I gave birth to, the ones we adopted, the ones I babysat, the ones we fostered....each child brought with them unique and different personalities and needs that shaped me into the person I am today....it forced me into opening myself up, the self that I had tightly closed, growing up with a physical handicap...closed to avoid being hurt....yes, sticks and stones do hurt, but names are worse....much deeper....so you close yourself up to hopefully not feel the hurt. A wonderful young man was brought into my life....he started slowly to open that closed door, bit by bit.....his commitment and love for me...which needed constant reassurance,(in my mind)...I would stare at him when he gave me a compliment...unbelieving, wondering if they were just words....
In the last few weeks, before my dad died, three years ago....he gave me such a wondrous gift....he told me that him and my mom were amazed, they were amazed at all I could do, at what I had accomplished....I was over the moon with the joy I felt....my parents were never ones to give compliments as we were growing up...my mother was convinced you might get a swollen head!...so, to hear these words....wow.
So many people tell me that they couldn't do what I do, they couldn't live my life, they couldn't parent/foster/adopt.....LOVE.......but, if I hadn't....if I hadn't done all those things , had all these different children in my life than I wouldn't be the person that I am today....
Many people tell me that I am such a strong person( obviously not physical strength) ....each time I hear it, I think...you fools...this is a facade , this is a mask....but when I do allow myself to hear those words, I do think about my parents...the parents who tirelessly took me to doctors appointments, physio, sat thru operations, watching the doctors use their child as a guinea pig because they hadn't seen cases like mind before...unusual they'd say....but it was thru their perseverance that I tried and tried and tried and never gave up til I could do something, just like everyone else could...I may look weird doing it, but the point is, ...that I could. It was all due to them....they instilled that in me....
To each of my children.....the ones here with us and the one in heaven....I thank you.....I thank you for influencing my personality, for helping me develop my strengths and weaknesses, my understanding and my patience. You drew from me strengths to do things that I never dreamt I'd ever have the courage to do.
To my dearest husband.....the one who started the unfurling process, the one who makes me feel special.....the biggest thanks of all, for without you this process would never had started......I will always love you and I will always cherish your love for me.
......and to God, who planned my life before I was born, who knit me together in my mothers womb, who formed me and who loves me...I thank you, I thank you for making me just the way I am, and when I'm in heaven I'll look forward to using two good arms, to see what it's like, but, for now, I'm good.
So many situations sent me to many doctors . social workers, other mothers for the answers.....why isn't he saying any words, why is her body so rigid, what is this rash, why is she constantly vomiting, why does it take an hour and a half to drink two ounces of formula....some answers the doctors didn't have, some the answers were hard to hear.....
Some situations you railed at the system...the system that allowed these children to fall through the cracks, that allowed them to become victims , that saw their lives become filled with words that the average child would never hear....like court, judges, workers, visits......children that were used as pawns in the game....
Mothering so many children....I'm including them all....the ones I gave birth to, the ones we adopted, the ones I babysat, the ones we fostered....each child brought with them unique and different personalities and needs that shaped me into the person I am today....it forced me into opening myself up, the self that I had tightly closed, growing up with a physical handicap...closed to avoid being hurt....yes, sticks and stones do hurt, but names are worse....much deeper....so you close yourself up to hopefully not feel the hurt. A wonderful young man was brought into my life....he started slowly to open that closed door, bit by bit.....his commitment and love for me...which needed constant reassurance,(in my mind)...I would stare at him when he gave me a compliment...unbelieving, wondering if they were just words....
In the last few weeks, before my dad died, three years ago....he gave me such a wondrous gift....he told me that him and my mom were amazed, they were amazed at all I could do, at what I had accomplished....I was over the moon with the joy I felt....my parents were never ones to give compliments as we were growing up...my mother was convinced you might get a swollen head!...so, to hear these words....wow.
So many people tell me that they couldn't do what I do, they couldn't live my life, they couldn't parent/foster/adopt.....LOVE.......but, if I hadn't....if I hadn't done all those things , had all these different children in my life than I wouldn't be the person that I am today....
Many people tell me that I am such a strong person( obviously not physical strength) ....each time I hear it, I think...you fools...this is a facade , this is a mask....but when I do allow myself to hear those words, I do think about my parents...the parents who tirelessly took me to doctors appointments, physio, sat thru operations, watching the doctors use their child as a guinea pig because they hadn't seen cases like mind before...unusual they'd say....but it was thru their perseverance that I tried and tried and tried and never gave up til I could do something, just like everyone else could...I may look weird doing it, but the point is, ...that I could. It was all due to them....they instilled that in me....
To each of my children.....the ones here with us and the one in heaven....I thank you.....I thank you for influencing my personality, for helping me develop my strengths and weaknesses, my understanding and my patience. You drew from me strengths to do things that I never dreamt I'd ever have the courage to do.
To my dearest husband.....the one who started the unfurling process, the one who makes me feel special.....the biggest thanks of all, for without you this process would never had started......I will always love you and I will always cherish your love for me.
......and to God, who planned my life before I was born, who knit me together in my mothers womb, who formed me and who loves me...I thank you, I thank you for making me just the way I am, and when I'm in heaven I'll look forward to using two good arms, to see what it's like, but, for now, I'm good.
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