Somewhere Safe......

So, much has happened since I last wrote.....summer has turned into fall, not officially of course , but when you've had kids going off to school in September for thirty-five years, there is a certain mindset that summer has come to a conclusion on Labour Day weekend and school has begun. I've wondered, from time to time, if when we no longer have anyone going off to school the Tuesday after Labour Day whether I'll feel the same.....do you change it to the 22nd of September and hold onto those last few weeks of summer? Probably not......

This past summer, we built a new room downstairs....I use the word 'we' loosely as we didn't do the exact construction.....yes, hubby and I worked for weeks, sorting and purging and packing up the left overs to cart off to a storage locker. We needed to have everything cleared our in that area, the remaining area that didn't house bedrooms, bathroom , pantry, storage room, furnace and laundry....yes, you may have guessed that the remaining area wasn't huge in square footage, but we were desperate.....

You see, for the last ten years, at least , we've had a television in our bedroom....not very romantic you say...well, I suppose..( yes, I've read the articles ) but necessary.....the 'in house kids', ( as I call them) had taken over the living room and since they were all developmentally delayed to some degree, their television programming was....shall we say...somewhat immature and repetitive......if we wanted to watch any of our programs in the evening, you either sent them to their rooms which caused whining and wailing and gnashing of teeth...or you chose something that everyone could watch....which given the comprehension level of said in house kids, wasn't easy!

Our bedroom isn't large...not like you see on those Reno shows on tv, just enough space for a bed, two dressers, an occasional chair( that usually houses stuff that you can't find a place for, and a small cabinet that houses cd's, the cable box and the tv on top! Hubby and I must resort to watching tv while sitting on our bed....when you're a kid that's not difficult, in your twenties and thirties, well, okay....but get up in the 40, 50 and 60's......oh my, doesn't make for a comfortable evening! Since we've come to the conclusion that our in house kids, are never 'leaving the nest'.....( no available group home housing spaces) ....it occurred to me that in ten years I'll be in my seventies ( yes, the horror of it all) and do I really want to be dealing with stiff and sore bones and numb derrière and lower back pain in our 70's and 80's!...I mean We still will but hopefully not from just watching tv!

So, the idea of a lounge, downstairs, in the remaining small space was born! Eldest son Ryan came down for the week....he demolished, he measured, he put up walls....it was a full week, to be sure.....hubby and Maya primed and painted......we moved the upstairs tv and cable box, the Wii game system , and DVDs downstairs.....we went to Ikea and purchased three occasional chairs and ottomans ....and voila! The Lounge was ready for the tv watching and game playing enjoyment of three young adults!

And.....hubby and I got our living room back......and it's been wonderful.

As in my last post, things were going okay.....we were helping Emma with the preparations for her baby coming, she moved out of the shelter and into her own apartment. Unfortunately, her abusive, gang involved boyfriend moved in with her. August 12th, dawned beautiful and sunny...no indication of the horror that would occur that day when Emma for whatever reason, that hubby and I figure we'll never know, fell from the ninth floor balcony, that's 90'.....and at 29 weeks, our wee grand daughter could not survive such an impact, and moments after she was born via emergency c-section....she died....

Two weeks later we buried her in a tiny little plot in the same cemetery that my dad is buried in. It was a short service, attended by few.....the minister, now retired, that dedicated Emma all those years ago, came and said a few words , and it was done.

I stopped at her spot yesterday, I have to drive by the cemetery whenever I go into the next town...which is often.....I found tears running down my cheeks as I stared at this small rectangle of broken grass.....I found myself apologizing to her,....I'm her nana, I should have protected her....but I couldn't.....but now she was somewhere safe, somewhere that no one could hurt her ever again.

A lot of people like the fall season....I do not, I never have....I dislike Halloween, Thanksgiving is nice but a ton of work, and as I said before...I'm getting older....
The last two fall and winter season have brought us a terrible time with Maya and her emotional breakdowns.....we are praying and hoping that this season will be better, will be different but it's kind of like waiting for the other shoe to drop......

Hubby has three, yes three , evening teaching courses this term...which goes up til Christmas time.....so every week he's gone from 7 in the morning til anywhere between 9-10 in the evening, for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday . These are particularity long days....filled with in house kids bickering, complaining and disobeying.....and apprehension of whether Maya will become ill again.
There are appointments ....doctors, dentists and social workers ( Maya is seeing one that can hopefully help her some coping skills to handle stress.

There is trying to find the time to get back up north to our trailer, to close it up for the winter, take down the tent and awnings....to close up that season again til it re opens next May.

Second daughter, Lauren bought a sweet , wee pup last Sunday....the cutest little thing you ever saw....part Maltese, part Yorkshire terrier.....he's about the size of the end of the paw of one of my dogs! ...but he is cute....no, I'm NOT getting any ideas....

So, Fall may be special and wonderful to some people but for myself, no.
I enjoy the fall colours but after they disappear everything is just so barren and sad looking.....and then the snow will come...worse then last year they say...good grief.

There are things to look forward to though.....a new grand baby is due in January...we are very excited to welcome this new little son or daughter ( everyone is hoping daughter) to eldest son Ryan and wife Jennifer ....they have two beautiful boys but would dearly love to have a girl.....we shall see!

Then next May , number three son Paul is planning on marrying lovely Sara....it should be a special occasion filled with family, friends and laughter and joy!

So, yes....some good things to look forward to...I think I should hang my hat on those and try to pull myself out of these doldrums!

After all, fall and winter can't last forever ( it'll only seem that way in the midst if it!) and we can remind ourselves to be grateful for each day, whether difficult or good.....


~ Marie