What would you really....

Good Morning Company Girls!

When I was growing up, we didn't have a lot of money...I can vividly remember my dad coming home with a smile on his face....he reached into his pocket and came out with ....chocolate bars....oh, the excitement....four chocolate bars, displayed in his hand, in an arc, like a deck of cards....sister and I were so excited!! My dad worked hard at a steel company and at a coke ovens...he'd come home covered in black soot...I remember him washing up at the kitchen sink...getting all clean. When we moved out to the 'country'..(now it's the suburbs that everyone wants to live in)...he would work all day, come home at the stroke of 5 p.m., and we'd sit down to eat. Supper was suppose to be ready at 5, cause dad had work to do....he'd usually spend any remaining daylight hours working outside.....doing yard work, rototilling the soil....

.....today, most men have different days, days filled with stuff that usually of course, our fathers didn't have..it wasn't even invented yet....computers...televisions...oh yes, we had televisions, but they were black and white, you might get 2 or 3 stations, you had to get up off your duff to change the station...you actually had to wait for the t.v. to 'warm up' after you turned it on before you could watch anything! Now, you can actually work on your computer while you watch the t.v.! Quite often, that's what my hubby is doing....because he wants to spend time with me, he'll often bring his laptop , sit down beside me and 'watch' the t.v. too. He doesn't go out and rotortil the garden but he does work in the evenings...just different kind of work..but works, just the same....

Hubby and I don't have a lot of money either...of course, our kids think we do...they think we are holding out on them.....that if we really wanted to help them, we'd just give it to them...or buy them this, or that.....which I'd really love to do....if I could....I'd also love to be able to give more to more charities...there are so many worthwhile ones out there..especially the ones in other countries that help children.....

I watched some guys on tv last night claim their lottery prize...that they won 7-8 years ago....apparently the small convenience store owners that sold them the ticket, cheated them out of their winnings..they were eventually found out and sent to jail....the guys were finally able o collect...over 2 million each!! What would I do with that much money???

Well, first...I'd pay off our mortgage, line of credit, charge cards....have absolutely no debt..wouldn't that be a wonder after almost 38 years of marriage! Then I'd go down my kids, one by one, all nine of them, and take care of their debt...school loans are a biggy....then I'd want to get a professional family photograph portrait done...(they're sooo expensive), then I'd take all the kids, and grandkids on a holiday...somewhere, something really special....then I'd give to the charities that I always wanted to give...sponsor some more Compassion kids...then,...whatever was left would go for our retirement (something that is a concern right now since we have virtually nothing saved and people, we are getting up there ya know!)

So, where is that pin to pop that bubble? Hubby and I don't ever play the lottery...so, there's really no chance of ever winning and doing all that...but some days, it's nice to dream..just for a few minutes.....then we get on with real life.....stretching the pennies to get from one pay check to another, trying to see how many days I can go without moving the van so the gas gauge needle doesn't go even lower, trying to meet the material needs of four teens....not easy....for instance, every month Megan comes home from school and for several days 'reminds' me that teacher wants the snack money.....in the special needs class that her and Ben attend, they shop for snacks every month and then the kids are learning about shopping and preparing snack food.....the 'donation' is the term they use at the beginning of the year...but every month the teacher is at the kids to bring their money in...well, sometimes I just don't have an extra $40 in the budget...so, I just ignore it...maybe next month...I really think they need to change their word terminology here though cause obviously it's not a donation.!

So, financially, this is my life and I'm okay with that....I grew up with it....it's fun to dream sometimes as long as we don't let the dreams rule us and spoil our joy....we do get little and big perks along the way...the Lord gives us these little pleasures just as we would want to do it for our kids..if we could...I hope they realize that if we could that we'd do it in a heart beat...but if I could do stuff like that for them, I'd rather do these things...I'd get more students for Leslie's Musikgarten classes, I'd find Ryan a teaching job, I'd fine some way to keep Corey out of jail and functioning in a 'regular' life, I'd pay off Lauren's debt and help her go back to school, I'd help Paul find the perfect job that would satisfy his heart, I'd help Ben find a really nice group home to live in and a job that would make him feel good about himself, I'd help Maya find a full time job when she was done with this internship that she's on, something to encourage her and make her feel good about herself, I'd help Emma to find out who she really is, that she's worth more than she thinks she is and she wouldn't settle for second rate, and I'd help Megan find a lovely group home that she would feel at home in and loved.

That's what I'd really like to do....just the musings of my heart and mind today...what would you really like to do?

'Big Huge Elephant Feet running thru my mind....

Good Morning Company Girls!

Sorry, I just finished my morning tea, so I'll just get into my post....my hubby just asked me what I was going to write about....I'm not sure...a lot of things going on in my brain! Today is his Friday off but he has a dentist appointment this morning...I'm not sure what we'll do with the rest of the day yet.....with this super cold weather we've been having it really doesn't make my thoughts willing to do anything that requires going outdoors!

This week started out with a confirmation of something that I've been wondering about for a few weeks now....I heard that my son, Corey has been in jail since before Christmas....our phone system that we use doesn't accept collect calls and since that's the only way you can call someone from the jail, he wasn't able to call us, we found out through a friend of his on Monday afternoon. On Monday evening I went to see him....it was hard....not sure how long he'll be in this time....

On Tuesday I went for a massage....since my muscle tone is so poor I have to have these fairly regularly, every 3 weeks or so, ....I've been having this tightness that I couldn't get rid of in/under my left shoulder blade.....the therapist says I've popped a rib! She worked at it but I'm still not sure if it's back in...she recommends getting to the chiropractor....sigh...always something with this body of mind....and you can throw in a dilly of a sinus infection too....sections of my left cheek keep feeling numb...quite painful...hubby brought home some Aleve...said..'give it a try'...so I did...not sure about it yet...do any of you use it?....I usually just do a combo of Tylenol and Advil. 2 of each, extra strength at a time...but of course they wear off after a few hours.....

My mom has wanted to go to Bermuda for a very long time...before my dad became too ill to travel they used to go quite regularly...there's a lovely resort there called Willowbank...it's quite peaceful....hubby and I've been a couple of times.....
Since my dad died, she's been constant in her desire to get there....sister and I thought we should try before her mind becomes so bad that it wouldn't do any good.....sister and her hubby decided to take her...this past week, my mom was talking about it and said to me...why don't you come too....I was quite surprised ....sounds weird, I know but I'm kind of undecided....it's weird cause normally if someone hands you a trip to Bermuda (she'd pay) you would jump at it....me..well...you see,...I really dislike going places without hubby(he can't get the time off) ....but on the other hand....it would be nice to go with my mom..help out sister and her hubby...I'm sure that there will be times when mom will be too weary to go anywhere and that would mean sister and hubby would have to stay at the resort too.....if I went then I could stay with her while they went and did the touristy thing....in my mother's current state of dementia, she couldn't be left alone...she's already said that she'd have no problem catching the bus on her own to get to that village to catch the ferry.....oh, the terror of it all......I could read the headlines now 'Missing Elderly Canadian Woman in Bermuda'!!....so these thoughts are running through my mind.....

What else is there...well....hubby and I have our big, once in a lifetime trip to Hawaii the end of May....which is fabulous I know...but have you ever tried to get someone to teen sit for twelve days?? They're not really lining up at the door, ya know! So, that's a concern....I can't even parcel them out cause they still have school to get to and I can't expect someone to drive them....they have to stay home but I can't think of anyone that could move in for that time period.

This week I had to take Ben to see a social worker at the Children's Aid Society.....I forget what they call that in the states...something with the letter D in it I think....Ben needed another letter from a professional, confirming that he understood the finality of having a vasectomy done...ya, you read that right...Ben will be 20 in March...and yes that's a tad young..but believe me...you really don't want a delayed person procreating with another delayed person....that only equals 'another delayed child that gets put into the system' again.....that's not fair to the child or to Ben....my kids that have delays, like Maya, get very upset at their birth parents ....they blame the birth parents for having to cope with these delays...and it's not fair to Ben...Ben loves little kids..he's a great uncle....but he could never safely parent a child....they would just apprehend any offspring of Ben...and that would hurt him more. He accepts that this surgery has to be done. When you have delayed kids you not only have to protect them now but in the future also.
It's a hard call...but a necessary one.

Tomorrow, hubby and I are suppose to take my mom out for lunch...I hope she wants to go...when my brother wanted to take her out before Christmas she was upset cause the retirement home was having her favourite ....'liver and onions' ...ugh...and she was going to miss it...how anyone would get upset about missing liver is beyond me..but hey..each to their own....hubby and I've wanted to take her to this really nice restaurant for some time...in fact we wanted to take her and dad last Christmas but the dad became too ill to go....so...hopefully, tomorrow works just fine...I haven't told her yet ..I figured she'd just forget anyways....

So, ya...that's the things 'running through this old brain'.....for the next two weeks the kids are off...so to speak.....exams, the end of semester one, semester turn around and the beginning of semester two at the highschool...all take place in the next two weeks....if you're the praying type I would appreciate your consideration.....two weeks of Emma is really more that the mind can bear!

....oh...and hubby informed me yesterday that there's a really good chance that he'll be in Longbeach..ya, California...the first week of February for negotiations with work....he asked me if that thought would convince me to go to Bermuda...hmmmmmmm....

A Mothers Heart

I went to see my son in jail last night.

I haven't heard anything from my son since December 19th. He didn't show up for Christmas dinner....he didn't call us on New Year's Eve....no matter how drunk he gets, he always calls on New Years Eve....but he didn't.

I tried calling the only phone number I had for him...it's the number of the woman that he lives with....she said he wasn't there...she said she didn't know when he'd be back home.

I tried her again and again...no answer...voice mail...I left messages.....

Yesterday, the mother of my son's son contacted me...she said...'I know where Corey is'

I said 'where'

'He's in jail.'

I said to my daughter yesterday morning...I think Corey might be in jail...I think I should call this guy that I know...he's a cop...maybe he could find out for me......

A mother knows when something is wrong.....

So, yesterday I went to jail...and saw my son....

His first words were...' Don't worry...I'm fine'

He and 'the woman' got drunk on December 20th, not unusual,they always do, they fought, they always do, he broke the television and probably hit her...she probably hit him back....she called the cops....he was arrested..

His 'video hearing' is tomorrow...he will be sentenced on Thursday....not sure if he'll stay in the local jail or go to one of he bigger prisons, farther away...

The biggest despair is this...when he finally gets out again...he'll probably return to her...he has no place else to go...he can't look after himself...whatever money he makes at odd moving jobs, either goes to drink or drugs.....he'd never have anything to pay his rent...to buy food....it's a life of despair..really....he's 27 years old...and this is his life.....

This is what saddens a mothers heart....

Little Bits....

Good Morning Company Girls!


Well, it's finally Friday...it's been a week filled with appointments everyday and this is the first day without any.....I'm sitting here trying to decide just what to do.....do I clean up the house (which desperately needs it), do I do some laundry, do I go and visit my mom (who I haven't been able to visit for awhile), do I try a new bread recipe, do I make some Irish Soda bread to take to my mom, do I just sit and work on my quilt....or..do I just sit and stare off into space?

hmmmmm...decisions, decisions...what's a girl to do.....

Lately, I've been battling a lot of fatigue and two health practitioners suggested it could have something to do with my thyroid (which stopped working years ago and for which I ingest a small little pill each day to compensate for it)....last year they upped the dosage of said pill so I really didn't want to go that route again..........so I went to dear old google....I think you could find out just about anything on google, don't you? Anyways, after living with this for about fourteen years, I actually found out that there are a few things I shouldn't be eating!! Who knew! You'd think that doctors might mention this little fact, don't you? At least 5 different sites mentioned the same list of negative foods that weren't a good thing for my non-functioning thyroid! Some are much easier to live with then others but the biggest ones are canola oil and anything with soya in it.......do you know that all our manufactured breads, salad dressings, a lot of condiments, chocolate bars all have canola oil, or soya oil, or soya lecithin (I can't even say the word properly!)...this makes eating somewhat of a challenge! So...I've been looking up recipes for homemade salad dressings, even homemade Miracle Whip, if you can believe it...and I made my first loaf of whole wheat bread this week! Fortunately, and my son will be pleased to hear this....hubby unpacked my bread maker that said son gave to me a year ago Christmas and I finally put it to good use...and it will get a lot of use...no more store bought bread....I'm tired of feeling tired!

On another note, Maya got to Costa Rica safely and is really enjoying herself.....she said she was nervous at the first flight but the second was a piece of cake! Oh no, I think we've created a monster!...now, whenever Don and I go away she's going to be in a bad mood cause she wants to go too! I'm really glad that she's been able to have this experience...she says the weather is great and laughed (she called on skype) when I said we were preparing fora snow blizzard this week! She is doing a lot of maintenance type stuff this week but apparently next week they work with the kids....I just pray every day that she'll be a blessing to someone that day. She's a good kid.

Daughter-in-law Jenn had a check-up at the doctor's yesterday...poor kid is overwhelmed with nauseousness and dizziness...but she did hear the hearbeat..160/minute and the doctor puts the due date the first few days of August...a summer baby....isn't that great! They usually don't have snow in Parry Sound in August so hopefully that wont be a problem, this time!

I guess that's all for now....hope you all have a great weekend!

Take care now!

Maya's Adventure!

Good Morning Company girls and Happy New Year!

At this time, which is about 8:17am our time, which is 7:17am Houston time, this little girl...well, not so little , is in a plane which is over Arkansas and should land in Texas just past 8:00am Houston time!! Then in about two hours, her and the rest of the team get on another plane and go to Costa Rica! Maya, is scheduled to be there until February 4th

She called yesterday afternoon, before they were scheduled to leave the camp up north. She was complaining that her tummy hurt...she's never been on a plane before and she was starting to get nervous...so, I did the mommy thing and tried to reinforce what fun going on a plane is....that she was going to have a great time...that she was going to love it.....Do you remember how you felt before your very first plane ride? I do.

I was 42 years old...yes, that old...when hubby said we were going away for our twentieth wedding anniversary...I was very excited because we had never gone away before...can you imagine...20 years married and had never been away on a long trip, from our kids...not even once.....never been on an airplane...oh ,my goodness.... as the time got closer I started to desperately figure out just how long would it take to drive to Seattle!! Needless to say, hubby squashed those thoughts like a bug! Of course, we wouldn't be driving!! So, I did a lot of praying, took my Gravol, took some Immodium...and got on the plane....and except for hating using the washrooms on planes....I love flying now!!! So, I tried to pass all this wisdom onto Maya,.....but I'm not sure she was buying it! I wish she had someway of calling me when she gets to Houston...but she left her cell phone at home (not a good idea to take it to another country...you know teenagers and phones!)...and because she's not used to using a pay phone, I'm not sure she'll think of using one and calling collect...oh my.....my little girl is all on her own...well, really she's with ten other people on her team....and I was reminded when I woke this morning with that song going thru my head......You know the one, from Sound of Music where the older nun looks to the hills and sings "you'll never walk alone"..ya, that one....I know the Lord is with her...whether she's up north, or thousands of miles away in an airplane for the very first time!

Oh...and as you can see by the top picture, (even though it's a terrible picture of me) taken the first day we took her up to the camp up north in September....she's quite a bit bigger than me...

but she still my little girl...especially when she calls and says....mom, I'm nervous.....mom, my tummy hurts......mom,....I love you......love you too Maya....you're going to have a great time! We'll be praying for you! This is a great adventure...go for it!

Just checked the tracking map.......aren't computers great.....she's over Texas, approaching Houston......oh my....

The Special Gift....

I rarely dream and when I do they usually disappear from my mind like a vapour upon wakening.

A few years ago I did have a dream that stayed with me...it was quite vivid and actually answered a question that I had wanted the answer of for more than twenty years. To this day, I really feel that it was the Lord who gave the dream...it was a special gift. I wasn't surprised at it taking over twenty years...after all God's time is not our time...his time is but a blink of an eye. I will not tell you about that dream right now but I will tell you about one that happened just this past Sunday morning.

At the start of this dream my eldest daughter Leslie and I were at a hospital...it was a very old building...one that I had never been to before. Leslie had just given birth to a baby but didn't look like she had...she was very slim and wearing shorts and a summer top. The two of us were sitting in a very long narrow room...it was actually a closed in porch of this old hospital....all along the exterior wall of this outer porch were the little baby isolettes...just like you see in a nursery on their little stands. A nurse was standing by one of the isolettes and told us to come over to hold the baby....the baby was extremely tiny and in a clear cylinder about 8" long and about a couple of inches in diameter. (I know that it sounds just too weird but please bear with me) While I was holding the cylinder Leslie saw someone out on the sidewalk that she knew and said that she had to go and talk to them...so she left. There I sat with this baby...after awhile I went to lay it back down in its' little bed, but the nurse said, 'Oh no, they like to be held - you should hold it...so I did.

The next scene, was in a huge room that had chairs all around the perimeter of it - my mom was with me...it was some community meeting about 'water'...what about it I really don't know but as we were walking to our seats my mom said that she was going to get a coffee. I was still holding the baby so I said that I'd go and get chairs for us...which I did. While sitting there, this young man came along and sat down...I was dismayed because I'm not one of those assertive people that feel comfortable in asking people to move ...but after a moment, another young man came along and said to the first guy...'hey, there's a couple of seats together over there..let's go there'...so they did.
Meanwhile, the baby started to move in the cylinder-it moved out of the top of it and started to get bigger...I said, ' Oh, you decided to wake up, did you?'

The next scene, the baby was a normal size and was on my lap with a receiving blanket loosely wrapped around him...yes, it was a little boy -- as I spoke and smiled at him, he smiled back.
Then I happened to look up and there, coming towards me was my sister, Adele, with a big grin on her face. She was pushing a wheelchair...not an ordinary wheelchair but one where the person could lounge , sitting sideways in it. In the wheelchair was my dad, dressed in hospital clothes with hospital sheets over him. He was smiling and at his right shoulder was my mom. The look on my mom's face was indescribable....she was filled with such joy that she just beamed...her whole face was wreathed in a smile.
I said, rather incredulously, 'What are you doing here? How can you be here - you're dead!' Adele said, 'He knew that you wanted to see him, so he came'.
'Give the baby to me' dad said, so I did and then I layed my face sideways on the upper part of my dad's arm, facing the baby, and wept. The tears just silently rolled down my cheeks.

And then I awoke.

I nudged my hubby and said.'Don, it's time to get up'...he said, 'no, I've set the alarm'...so I just layed there, quiet...thinking about my dream..trying to figure it out......and I think I have.

You see the last time that I had such a vivid, impactful dream was like I said, a few years ago...and it was an answer to a question that was always at the back of my mind for many years....I got my answer and it came in the form of a dream and I'm convinced that God gave me that special gift, that answer....and now he had done it again.

About 3-1/2 years ago Leslie had been pregnant but halfway thru the pregnancy, at about 18 weeks it was determined that the baby had died...it was a nightmare especially since the same thing had happened to me about 28 years earlier. Leslie was induced, went through labour and delivered a tiny, tiny baby boy...Leslie didn't want to look at the baby but I went with the midwife and we went into the next room and did look at him...even though he was very tiny, both the midwife and I thought he was a boy. His name was Hayden.

My sister Adele, was the last person to see my dad alive, so that's why she should be the one to bring him to me. Dad was still in the hospital the last time I saw him alive, dressed in a hospital gown with sheets over him.

My mom has been very lonely without my dad and her greatest joy would be to be reunited with him.

Since my dad died, my greatest heartache was that I had wanted to see him one more time while he was still alive...I didn't and it bothered me so much....the Lord knew that this was my great desire and he gave me this beautiful gift, this gift of seeing my dad just one more time.

My dad always loved to hold his new grandbabies...and he never got to hold Hayden...well, now he did.

So, I hope you don't think that I'm totally weird...because I will admit to you that this dream made me feel so good....much better than I have in months.....I saw my dad....one more time.

Happy New Year!

Well, a Happy New Year to one and all!

It's been awhile since I posted....life has a way of getting in the way of doing the things you like...for instance, I haven't been able to do one bit of quilting this whole darn holiday!!! Priorities, please people!!

I will admit to you that this holiday was the hardest one that I've ever gone through....never in a million years did I think that it would be ever this hard without my dad.....if you still have your dad living please treasure him...please show him how much you care and just how much he means to you...not that I didn't when my dad was alive but I didn't realize just how deep the pain would go, and I'd give anything to wrap my arms around him just one more time.

I was really slow in doing the Christmas shopping this year...just kept putting it off..until two weeks before Christmas I was in despair because I only had stuff for the grands and nothing for the kids....I couldn't figure out why...I'm one of these people that starts planning in the summer and purchasing in the fall to spread it out so it's easier on our bank account...not this year...as I pondered this I realized that by putting it off, I was actually putting Christmas off....I didn't want it to happen...I poured it on and had all the shopping done by Christmas eve.

One of the gifts that I wrapped and put under the tree was a watch that used to belong to my dad....it was given to him by his place of employment when he retired. I found it while cleaning out mom and dad's house and thought that I'd just keep it for a while...it occurred to me when eldest son successfully defended his thesis a few weeks ago that he might like it. I knew my dad would be thrilled and very proud that Ryan had become 'a doctor' after all his years of hard work...my dad was a hard worker, and he respected those who worked hard to achieve a goal. I knew my dad would be pleased so I took it to the watchmaker and had a new battery put in and put it under the tree. Ryan is my traditional child.....I knew he would appreciate it and I hope he treasures it as much as I did.

Someone asked me last week what my most favourite gift was....I would have to say that it was the envelope in the Christmas tree that Ryan wanted me to open first....so I did...inside was something wrapped quite well....as i tugged at the wrapping I caught a glimpse of an ultrasound picture and I instantly knew that it was of my very newest grandbaby!! As you know, Ryan and Jenn were expecting earlier but had a miscarriage.....we are praying that this little one grows safe and strong and hopefully, Lord willing will be born part way thru the summer months. There was nothing else that could have had a positive impact on me as that on such a difficult day...Praise the Lord!

Corey, number two son did not show up for Christmas dinner even though he said he was planning to....I haven't heard anything from him...I tried calling but his significant other said he wasn't there and didn't know when to expect him...he usually calls on New Years Eve but we didn't hear from him either...he's definitely one of my kids that's wandering in the wilderness.....I wish I could help him in some way but he's truly messed.

So that's the holidays...today we're having a little dinner for Maya who is leaving tomorrow to go back to camp up north and then on Thursday she and her team will be travelling to Detroit to catch their flight early Friday morning to Houston and then on to Costa Rica. The team will be there until February 4. It's a new experience for her and for this momma....but as usual I'll put on my acting face and send her out for this greatest and newest adventure!

Have a happy new year one and all!