All the ladies are chattering in your little group...this little quilting group that gets together every Tuesday morning....we meet to share our work, to share some tea, to share our lives.....
I sit there , quiet.....it takes me a bit to get going....sometimes, your mind is swirling with so many details that it takes awhile to sort them out, you sit there , listening quietly, waiting for your thoughts to unfurl.......
Everyone is sharing, everyone is filled with ideas and thoughts that they want to reveal, some to share happiness, some to share sorrow, others their despair.....
I like to just sit and listen, the weariness of the day has already taken over and it's only 10:00 am,....have you ever felt too weary to talk, as the jumbled thoughts tumble like blocks in your brain, you make the conscious decision to not speak...it takes to much effort, too many details....if only you could just give the Readers Digest condensed version...maybe that would work...you run the conversation in your mind, just how it would go....and then you make the decision....no, I really don't want to get into all that.....so, you stay silent...pulling out your work....a quilt that has been worked on, on and off for two years...between other projects....you're determined to get it done....it's for yourself...you've never done one for yourself...you always give them away....I think that's why it takes so long to complete...there isn't the urgency...it's just for you.
Not every season of motherhood is perfect. Some are colder than others. Some burn straight through you. But those days of extreme make the ordinary average ones gleam with perfection and beauty.
I read that in someone's blog post today....the words jumped out at me......
'Cody saw Emma the other day'....the voice of another quilter breaks through my thoughts.....'he was so shocked....I didn't know she had blond hair'....'it's a wig', I reply......'oh..well, he was so surprised...she's lost weight and he says she was dressed......scantily, like.....' ' like a hooker', I replied....'well, ya', she said.
'Oh, Marie,' another said...'you just tell it like it is....just straight out there'...she laughed.
I didn't laugh...I just thought...ya, where did that come from....I'm a nice person....everyone says I'm a nice person....
My cell phone chimes...an email has come in.....someone thought I should know that my son, the son that has the worst Fetal Alcohol Syndrome of all my kids that have it....this person says that he was taken to jail last night...again....driving while drunk....again....ran over a pole, landed in a field...he was fine...his car and the pole were not.....
I am grateful that it was a pole and not a person.....I wish someone could stop him, some how, some way....they keep on arresting him, but he keeps on doing it.....
These are the burning moments....the moments when you become so cynical, the moments where you would like to say...' No more....no more'....you want to but you don't , because deep in your heart, you know that you don't give up, deep in your heart, they still have a place.....these kids who had their brains messed up before they were even born.....
Others, well they don't understand...they look on in disgust, they ridicule, they laugh.....you just keep all these things, and like Mary, ponder them in your heart.....sometimes you try to make others understand,.... they don't ....they don't live with it....everyday, everyday for almost thirty years....
Some people don't want these kids around them....yes, they feel sorry for them, but a lot point an accusatory finger, putting them down for their lack of control, their impulsive tendencies, their immaturity, and their negative behaviour.....to be honest....yes, they are hard to be around, but society wants the acceptable....not the unacceptable.....
You sit quiet while others are chattering round about you.....you know this can steal your happiness but you try not to let it steal your joy....
Like Ann Voskamp says.....
Let something steal your joy — and you let something steal your strength.
....and I need my strength, I need to keep going, one step at a time....
I need my strength so I can still feel the joy.
~ Marie
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
The Two Daves
I have two brothers in law named Dave.....it gets a little tricky talking about them at family gatherings....one is married to my sister, Adele and one is the twin brother of my husband. When my kids ask about them we usually have to qualify who we're talking about by adding their last name....and in the last few months we've had to qualify it in our prayers.....
For the last few years we've prayed for this guy, this Dave , who I saw at the same time as I saw my hubby for the first time.....he was loud and boisterous and most people gravitated towards him because he was the life of the party....I chose the quiet one. :-)
The two brothers last January after hubby's surgery
Dave and his wife Joan
Last week, on Thanksgiving Day......
As you can see by the last picture, David isn't doing very well....a few years back he had surgery on his liver...the doctors thought, at the time , that it was cancer, it wasn't.....but when they opened him up, they found the bile duct twisted, and part of the liver destroyed...they did what they could and put him on a list for a liver transplant. The trouble is, we've since found out....you have to be really, really sick before they put you on the active transplant list....as you can see by the Thanksgiving picture , David is really, really sick....he is on the active list....we keep praying every night that he will soon receive a new liver. It's been a long battle for him and his wife Joan. Battling isn't new for David though....a number if years ago David's first wife, Frannie died from cancer, that horrible disease that attacks all people, of all ages....that, too, was a hard road.....
For years we've been praying for the health of hubby's brother Dave...but this past June, we had a rude jolt when our other brother in law Dave became ill. It started with pain in his back, the doctor suggested many things, exrays were taken...the radiologist confirmed it was something else....they were all wrong and in two short weeks sister Adele and her husband Dave had their world turned upside down...a world where they had already scheduled great holiday plans for the summer...the trailer was ready, the canoe, the bikes...all the camping sites booked, their twice a year trip down to Sanibel Island for the fall, their cruise next spring.....all cancelled...because, you see, the doctors were wrong....it wasn't a pinched nerve, it wasn't a swollen disc, it wasn't just extreme constipation....it was cancer....so advanced that it took your breath away.
Dave was in the hospital for a few weeks when they decided to bring him home. The family room was cleared out, a hospital bed set up, a wheel chair brought in....one of the severe consequences of the cancer fractured his spine...he was a paraplegic ....a daily round of palliative doctors, nurses, personal support workers, case managers...became their life.....twice he would be hospitalized with a severe urinary track infection from the catheter he was required to have....
My sister has worked tirelessly to care for her husband, yes,....they've had help but the bulk of it has fallen to her because as I said in my last post....where else would she be.....this past week, things have rapidly deteriorated. Before, except for him being in a hospital bed or wheel chair...he was still same old Dave...he was always a talker, and anyone that visited...and they had visitors daily ( he was a very popular person!) conversation never lagged, it was never difficult to visit...Dave always carried the conversation...you could really fool yourself into believing that this wasn't really happening.....BUT IT WAS, and IS.....Dave has taken a significant turn, just last week we were able to get him out to the local coffee shop...a place he loved to go with my mom and his wife....We all knew, even Dave did, that it would be his last.....a worker told her yesterday that Dave should be in hospice care.....he is sleeping a lot, and when he's awake he is confused...he has moments of rationality but they are becoming less and less. My sister is worn out, exhausted.....time is passing quickly .
This same worker told my sister that it would be difficult but that she had to hand the caregiver role over, that she just needed to become a wife again.
I thought about those words, the more I thought , the more I disagreed....in everything that Adele has done for Dave, she has been his wife...whether it was making special food to encourage him to eat, washing his body and yes even changing his diaper....she has been his wife....something that she committed to over forty five years ago....they agreed all those years ago to be helpmates to one another....and she has been and will be.....so, even if he goes into hospice....that will not change.
Adele and Dave...in happier times
Last week at Tim Hortons with my mom....
With two of his grandchildren....he adores them...he has four...all with a special place in his heart....
Two Daves....two godly men, who love The Lord..... Who have been a great witness to family and friends....who have made a tremendous impact on all who have come in contact with them.....
I sat with Adele's Dave yesterday, while Adele had a nap ( sleep has been scarce) ....I sat and watched him breathe....the impact of the moment is heavy on your chest.
These two Daves, yes, they've been my brothers in law for over forty-five years but I would argue with you that there is no 'in law' status here...they are just brothers. Good, solid brothers.....fighting a fight.....
We are praying that hubby's brother's liver comes soon....and as for sisters' hubby.....
You have fought the good fight, the battle is almost o'er....
Well Done....Good and Faithful Servant.
We will see you again.
For the last few years we've prayed for this guy, this Dave , who I saw at the same time as I saw my hubby for the first time.....he was loud and boisterous and most people gravitated towards him because he was the life of the party....I chose the quiet one. :-)
The two brothers last January after hubby's surgery
Dave and his wife Joan
Last week, on Thanksgiving Day......
As you can see by the last picture, David isn't doing very well....a few years back he had surgery on his liver...the doctors thought, at the time , that it was cancer, it wasn't.....but when they opened him up, they found the bile duct twisted, and part of the liver destroyed...they did what they could and put him on a list for a liver transplant. The trouble is, we've since found out....you have to be really, really sick before they put you on the active transplant list....as you can see by the Thanksgiving picture , David is really, really sick....he is on the active list....we keep praying every night that he will soon receive a new liver. It's been a long battle for him and his wife Joan. Battling isn't new for David though....a number if years ago David's first wife, Frannie died from cancer, that horrible disease that attacks all people, of all ages....that, too, was a hard road.....
For years we've been praying for the health of hubby's brother Dave...but this past June, we had a rude jolt when our other brother in law Dave became ill. It started with pain in his back, the doctor suggested many things, exrays were taken...the radiologist confirmed it was something else....they were all wrong and in two short weeks sister Adele and her husband Dave had their world turned upside down...a world where they had already scheduled great holiday plans for the summer...the trailer was ready, the canoe, the bikes...all the camping sites booked, their twice a year trip down to Sanibel Island for the fall, their cruise next spring.....all cancelled...because, you see, the doctors were wrong....it wasn't a pinched nerve, it wasn't a swollen disc, it wasn't just extreme constipation....it was cancer....so advanced that it took your breath away.
Dave was in the hospital for a few weeks when they decided to bring him home. The family room was cleared out, a hospital bed set up, a wheel chair brought in....one of the severe consequences of the cancer fractured his spine...he was a paraplegic ....a daily round of palliative doctors, nurses, personal support workers, case managers...became their life.....twice he would be hospitalized with a severe urinary track infection from the catheter he was required to have....
My sister has worked tirelessly to care for her husband, yes,....they've had help but the bulk of it has fallen to her because as I said in my last post....where else would she be.....this past week, things have rapidly deteriorated. Before, except for him being in a hospital bed or wheel chair...he was still same old Dave...he was always a talker, and anyone that visited...and they had visitors daily ( he was a very popular person!) conversation never lagged, it was never difficult to visit...Dave always carried the conversation...you could really fool yourself into believing that this wasn't really happening.....BUT IT WAS, and IS.....Dave has taken a significant turn, just last week we were able to get him out to the local coffee shop...a place he loved to go with my mom and his wife....We all knew, even Dave did, that it would be his last.....a worker told her yesterday that Dave should be in hospice care.....he is sleeping a lot, and when he's awake he is confused...he has moments of rationality but they are becoming less and less. My sister is worn out, exhausted.....time is passing quickly .
This same worker told my sister that it would be difficult but that she had to hand the caregiver role over, that she just needed to become a wife again.
I thought about those words, the more I thought , the more I disagreed....in everything that Adele has done for Dave, she has been his wife...whether it was making special food to encourage him to eat, washing his body and yes even changing his diaper....she has been his wife....something that she committed to over forty five years ago....they agreed all those years ago to be helpmates to one another....and she has been and will be.....so, even if he goes into hospice....that will not change.
Adele and Dave...in happier times
Last week at Tim Hortons with my mom....
With two of his grandchildren....he adores them...he has four...all with a special place in his heart....
Two Daves....two godly men, who love The Lord..... Who have been a great witness to family and friends....who have made a tremendous impact on all who have come in contact with them.....
I sat with Adele's Dave yesterday, while Adele had a nap ( sleep has been scarce) ....I sat and watched him breathe....the impact of the moment is heavy on your chest.
These two Daves, yes, they've been my brothers in law for over forty-five years but I would argue with you that there is no 'in law' status here...they are just brothers. Good, solid brothers.....fighting a fight.....
We are praying that hubby's brother's liver comes soon....and as for sisters' hubby.....
You have fought the good fight, the battle is almost o'er....
Well Done....Good and Faithful Servant.
We will see you again.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Where Else....
'I love you' he says....I lay there, tired....a little confused....hadn't he just said that? As I lay there, befuddled, after a very long day....he says, 'I wanted to say it again...I wanted to thank you for being with me this morning'...
Where else would I be.
He had his surgery last January...surgery that removed about a foot of his bowel, bowel that had been damaged by Crohn's Disease.....bowel that gave him pain and discomfort, that caused him not to want to eat, that had him lose huge amounts of weight in a very short period of time, that caused his skin colouring to be perpetually white, that caused him to have extreme fatigue, emotionally and physically.
We were frightened.....nobody could tell us what was wrong....internal bleeding they said.....they did tests and more tests and more tests......
We tried different diets......nothing really helped, nothing really made a difference....
In the back of our minds was the memory...the memory of another couple, years ago...who just before they were to celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary, got the dreaded medical pronouncement.....the big C as they call it......they celebrated their fortieth, with their family....and eight months later he was gone...a godly man to meet his maker....
We were fortunate though.....our 'C' wasn't the big one...as they say....but still one that would be with him forever, that he would always be aware of, that he'd always take medication for, that he would always be careful of what he ate, where he went, that a bathroom was always near......
Crohn's is a disease that can come back at any time.....he must have regular check ups, regular colonoscopies...regular appointments with the internist....to check, to see if it was returning....
Yesterday, nine months after his surgery, we awoke early, left the house in semi darkness and travelled back to the hospital.....
The waiting room was cold....why do they keep hospitals so cool....you sit there tense, from nervousness and the temperature, they call his name and off he goes...a brave man, a lot braver than his wife.....
He admits, later on in the day, that the morning reminded him of all the testing that they had done in the year previous, all the uncertainty that we had experienced,...it all came back, swirling around him as he followed the nurse.
Two hours later, my name was called.....he was done, he was ready to go.....he was sitting on the side of the bed, looking pale and sedated.....
The doctor had told him that everything looked good, praise The Lord....they did one small biopsy, but that was just to be sure.....
I kept looking at him, as I drove him home.....he continued to sleep,.....he laid on the bed, when we got home, and continued to sleep.....I made him some tea and toast....he had a little, and continued to sleep......
The day continued on....he slowly started to wake, the colour returned to his face....he was back....back from the ordeal.....he had some soup, we went for a short walk in the October sun......
I was tired...it's tiring watching someone,...watching and waiting....waiting for them to wake up...waiting for them to look like their self again,....so you can breathe.
Forty three years, forty of them married.....
Where else would I be.
~ Marie
Where else would I be.
He had his surgery last January...surgery that removed about a foot of his bowel, bowel that had been damaged by Crohn's Disease.....bowel that gave him pain and discomfort, that caused him not to want to eat, that had him lose huge amounts of weight in a very short period of time, that caused his skin colouring to be perpetually white, that caused him to have extreme fatigue, emotionally and physically.
We were frightened.....nobody could tell us what was wrong....internal bleeding they said.....they did tests and more tests and more tests......
We tried different diets......nothing really helped, nothing really made a difference....
In the back of our minds was the memory...the memory of another couple, years ago...who just before they were to celebrate their fortieth wedding anniversary, got the dreaded medical pronouncement.....the big C as they call it......they celebrated their fortieth, with their family....and eight months later he was gone...a godly man to meet his maker....
We were fortunate though.....our 'C' wasn't the big one...as they say....but still one that would be with him forever, that he would always be aware of, that he'd always take medication for, that he would always be careful of what he ate, where he went, that a bathroom was always near......
Crohn's is a disease that can come back at any time.....he must have regular check ups, regular colonoscopies...regular appointments with the internist....to check, to see if it was returning....
Yesterday, nine months after his surgery, we awoke early, left the house in semi darkness and travelled back to the hospital.....
The waiting room was cold....why do they keep hospitals so cool....you sit there tense, from nervousness and the temperature, they call his name and off he goes...a brave man, a lot braver than his wife.....
He admits, later on in the day, that the morning reminded him of all the testing that they had done in the year previous, all the uncertainty that we had experienced,...it all came back, swirling around him as he followed the nurse.
Two hours later, my name was called.....he was done, he was ready to go.....he was sitting on the side of the bed, looking pale and sedated.....
The doctor had told him that everything looked good, praise The Lord....they did one small biopsy, but that was just to be sure.....
I kept looking at him, as I drove him home.....he continued to sleep,.....he laid on the bed, when we got home, and continued to sleep.....I made him some tea and toast....he had a little, and continued to sleep......
The day continued on....he slowly started to wake, the colour returned to his face....he was back....back from the ordeal.....he had some soup, we went for a short walk in the October sun......
I was tired...it's tiring watching someone,...watching and waiting....waiting for them to wake up...waiting for them to look like their self again,....so you can breathe.
Forty three years, forty of them married.....
Where else would I be.
~ Marie
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