Thursday, August 30, 2012

Abide with Me..

I haven't posted in awhile...life has gotten in the way....I was going to do a post about the wonderful trip hubby and I took down to the Albany, N.Y. / Providence R.I., area , and i still will do that....it was a lovely time....but since we came home I've been kind of stressed to the max and for my own sanity I've been trying to focus on this...... It hangs on the wall, outside my bedroom door.....I had hubby hang it there on purpose.....so that every time I walk out my bedroom door, it reminds me...and these days I need that reminder often....





It's been an interesting journey just how I got this wall hanging.....since April, hubby and I have been going thru a trial...well, actually it started in July, 2011....that's when my normally healthy, full of energy husband first became I'll...he thot it was food poisoning.....he was unwell with digestive issues or about a month....then slowly got better...but throughout the rest of the year it seemed to be an underlying situation with him...some days worse than others.....then this past April it became very serious. It sent him back to the doctor, the doctor sent him to a specialist...the specialist sent him for tests....we weren't suppose to get the results til October but now, they just called yesterday to say his followup appointment was moved to next Thursday....

So, back to this wall hanging...a few months ago I was listening to the classical radio station....I find it enjoyable to listen to for the most part.....unless they go off on an opera tangent.....so, of course, most of the music originates in the classics...you know those guys, Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, Dvorak, Tchaikovsky ....but one day a sacred piece was played....Abide with Me...you don't hear this hymn in church very often...well, maybe at someone's funeral, but not normally sung on a Sunday morning...it played over and over in my mind throughout the day....it finally prompted me to look up the words, to investigate the author of the lyrics...

Henry F Lyte, was a pastor who did not have an easy life, physically he was ill a lot of the time, and wrote these words as a result of it....now, I'm in no way comparing this to my hubby's illness, not at all.....but this is what I've been drawing from it.....the past year has been extremely difficult, with hubby's illness, the whole scenario with daughter Emma, living with three developmentally delayed young adults, watching some of our children go through unbelievable financial distress and realizing that you are physically (financially) powerless to help them, watching some of our children making choices that go completely against what we had taught them all their lives....yes, hubby and I do realize and accept that they are adults and their choices and consequences from these decisions are their own and not ours,....but it still puts a weight on your shoulders,...in your heart...

I have found it pleasantly delightful that these lyrics kept reminding me that there is a strength greater than ours...
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Friends, relatives can only help and do so much...this piece of music kept cropping up....on the radio....a few different times....the church bells that ring in our little village would all of a sudden peal forth with the tune....then I received an email...I get those notices from Dayspring cards and home decor...and there was this wall hanging...bonus...it was even on sale...and I knew, I just knew that I needed this physical reminder...so, I ordered it...

Did you notice that it was even sung during the opening ceremonies at the Olympics this year...I heard that some Americans didn't hear it...that it was replaced by an interview with Mark Phelps...it was a shame because Emeli Sande sang a haunting rendition of it to an interpretive dance in remembrance of the Olympians who died a number of years ago in a terrorist attack.....I will admit to taking it personally, when I heard her start to sing it...I felt that it was another reminder, just for me....do you know that it is sung at the beginning of every rugby challenge cup in Scotland?

In the last few days my youngest has absolutely been driving me around the bend and back again....yesterday, I thought, no I knew that my blood pressure was through the roof,,,,I felt a little weird, a little off balance when I tried to walk....the tune of abide with me came to mind...I kept humming it internally, over and over again....

I think of my dad often...I think of being with him, of seeing him again....No, I AM NOT Suicidal.....just weary...

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

The grave has no victory over me seeing my dad again....I will see him and it will be glorious....

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, Abide with me.

2 comments:

joyceandnorm said...

We gave this exact wall hanging to BIL and sis-in-law. It gives a good reminder. :)

juniper said...

Beautifully written Mom. I'm anxious to hear it now:) praying. Hugs to you.