Ramblings of Retirement Life

Good morning!

It has been about six months since my husband retired....it has been an interesting six months...the first two months felt like we were just on an extended holiday....once September came around, reality started trickling in...some interesting facts about being retired...( well, my husband is but I’m not...BUT I am affected by it...some good, some not so good)

The good is that my husband is around most of the time....I’ve waited 46 years for him to not leave in the morning and return in the late afternoon....it’s rather pleasant!

Another thing is that he is available to do some of the appointments with our kids that up til now, have been completely left up to me! 

He’s also very determined to help me a lot more around the house....some chores that physically I’ve been struggling with in the last few years, he has declared that he will be doing from now on! 

We still can’t just up and go away for a few days or even an overnight, without making caregiver arrangements for our kids BUT we can go somewhere, on a whim....just for the afternoon..

IF, we want to sleep in a bit on a weekday morning, that option is now available!

So, those are some of the pros that I can think of, off the top of my head.....

The Cons-

Well, there is this whole living on a pension and not a regular pay cheque being deposited in the account every two weeks..and other than the obvious , it screws up a regular grocery shopping day ( because you used to do it when it was pay day) ...now, it’s usually..’oh we’re out of eggs, or bread or deodorant...we’d better go and get a few things’.....

You forget what day it is! Suddenly, in the middle of the week...you think it’s only Tuesday and our shocked to find out that it’s Thursday! ....and you don’t count the days til the weekend any more because weekends , except for going to church on Sunday...are the same as the other days....and the saddest part is....you don’t get excited over long, three day weekends anymore...in fact, you find yourself surprised when you realize that the upcoming weekend, IS A THREE DAY WEEKEND!!

Living on a pension is unsettling.....knowing that you have a set amount of money that has to last you the rest of your living days...is a little scary....and even though, your husband says that he’s budgeted for a few larger travelling trips in his pension budget and to relax because he wants to travel....you still feel somewhat apprehensive about spending the money on it!

Then there’s the gifts...you know birthday, Christmas..etc. For the last number of years, I’ve had a set amount....now, husband says...we have to cut back the amount...we’re on a pension, don’t ya know....I told him then he can be the one tell everyone that they’re going to be getting less! 

The other thing about a pension is this.....I’m used to saving for things...if I want to do some kind of home improvement or get a big ticket item...then I divide the cost by months and put aside the amount required each month, to meet that goal.....the other day, I said something about saving for something....husband looked at me with a ‘sad, it’ll be alright dear, look’ ...and informed me that there isn’t anymore saving...we just take it out of the pension.....WHAT.....NO MORE SAVING!! That’s impossible...there’s just no security in that! Totally uncomfortable with this concept!!

Another con , for my husband...IS....THAT HE IS HOME EVERYDAY! ...yes, I know I said that was in the pro column....but you see....he’s not used to being around the kids, all day, every day.....he gets irritated with them, he doesn’t understand why they do the things they do or don’t do.....that gives me a brand new occupation....mediator!

On the whole, when people say..’so, how’s retirement?’.....quite often I remind them that I’M not retired...I’m still doing all the same things that I’ve always had to do....BUT I do have the positive and negative affects of retirement....I think that’s as close as I’ll ever get....but retirement is a little more relaxing than life used to be....so, that’s a welcome change....do we sit around looking for things to do? No, we are still as busy as ever....but now we don’t ‘ necessarily have to get to a store to get a certain thing because it’s the only time we have to do it’ mentality anymore....the pressure is not as great...which is lovely.

I actually think we’re still getting used to figuring out this retirement thing...and that’s okay...

And I know it sounds sappy...but as long as we’re together in this new adventure than I’m content....

Retirement!

Retirement Day is coming up for my husband! He has officially worked at a full time job for 46 years....before that it was normal teenage jobs....camp counselor ( where we met) , catching chickens ( he lived in a very rural area) , picking up beer bottles along side of the country roads to turn in for deposit money and he worked in a grocery store.
His first full time job was working as a clerk in a Trust Company ( which is similar to a bank) when he was eighteen years old....we had just became engaged the month before..( my mother thought we were crazy, and my grandmother had said it wouldn’t last!)....he worked in his home town, where he had grown up...a little place called Listowel....we had plans to live there after we married....but the trust company had other plans and a few months before our Wedding....he was transferred to another little town called Meaford....our first apartment ended up being in a town close by named Owen Sound. We were married in the June of 1973, and by the September, he was transferred again....every time he got a promotion and a small raise, we were transferred...usually it was a two week notice! After that, our first child was born in the fall of 1974....we were living in the top half of a duplex....then...another transfer...this time to a city by the name of Chatham.....I became pregnant again but before our second child could be born...we moved again...a month after we moved to Sarnia , our second child was born!

We had been living in Sarnia for about six months when we realized that our first child was going to begin her school life and that we couldn’t be moving , every 18 months, at a drop of a hat with only two weeks notice....so my husband and I decided that he should find another employment and resign from the Trust Company.

This decision had us moving back to the general area where I grew up but unfortunately we couldn’t afford the exact area and lived in the city of Hamilton. We lived there for three years while Don worked in the office of a manufacturing company that made peanut butter and pickles!  I don’t remember the reason that he left that position but he did start a new job at another manufacturing company....this one made heavy iron patterns and things like manhole covers.....thirty three years ago, that company closed its doors for good and we were thrown into the panic mode of finding a new job....which he did.....at a place called Menasco Aerospace Company...sounds impressive right...they actually made landing gear and flight control panels for the big commercial airplanes .

After three years of living in the city of Hamilton...which we detested...we finally moved back to the rural area that I grew up in....a wee area...not even sure you could call it a village at that point called Winona.

Way back, when we lived in Chatham, and our eldest was just a baby....Don decided to take some accounting courses that would eventually....ELEVEN YEARS LATER.....ONE COURSE AT A TIME.....have him graduating with his Certified General Accounting designation! We were so proud and thrilled that he finally achieved this accomplishment!

For the last number of years he’s held the position of a Pricing Analyst....which means he prices the parts for the landing gears that enable the company to put in successful or not successful bids for contacts with the large airplane manufacturers like Boeing. He made many trips to be part of  contract negotiations to California and Seattle, Washington , and working in their offices in Texas and Florida and even one long trip to Poland to working in the office there!

In the course of doing all this, plus being a husband, a dad, and a foster parent...he also took some courses to become a Financial Pricing Analyst....which, over the years has given him the nickname of Pricerman!

About fourteen years ago, a friend of Dons’ asked him to help him out by ‘teaching’ one of his college evening classes....After discovering he really liked it, he decided to pursue this as a second career ....so, to add to his list of accomplishments he has taught many evening classes to continuing education students that have to do with various forms of accounting, taxes and accounting computer programs.....Don was forever grateful that Kevin asked him to teach that first class and now he hopes to continue with the teaching after he retires.

Don plans to keep busy with a small home office type accounting business in his retirement years....you see, he really isn’t a hobby man.....he enjoys travelling, he enjoys a little photography, a little golf ( only if the weather conditions are perfect)....he just bought a new trailer, so he hopes to spend some time relaxing at that, ....but other than that, he’s just looking forward to not making that daily hour long commute to work every week day, that he’s been doing for over thirty years.

And he deserves the rest.

Happy Retirement, my darling!

Oh yes....it's been awhile....in conversation with a niece last night she said that she read my blog every now and then, and I said that I hadn't written in it for awhile.....and in this festive season, as we so often call it ...that is not so festive for a lot of people....there is something that has been reoccurring in our household for a few months that is causing me to do a slow burn right now.
As many of you well know, we have our last three children still living with us at home. They will be here forever...or until Don and I die....and that's the reality.....because they are intellectually/developmentally delayed.
They are in this position because their birth mom's drank alcohol while she was pregnant. Now, in all fairness.....their birth mom was/is also developmentally delayed....I'm not sure what caused her global delay....but she is.
Not all intellectual/developmental delays are caused by alcohol.
BUT.... in the case of our three kids, it was definitely the cause of their brain damage.....yes brain damage....something that they are sentenced to the rest of their lives....because their mother chose to drink.
I call them kids because their comprehension levels are that of a five year old, a ten year old and a fifteen year old....although sometimes the fifteen year old acts her age....her actual age is 24....and the age of the ten year old is actually 25.... and the age of the five year old is actually 21.
Ben is 25, Maya is 24 and Megan is 21.

I grew up in a home where we didn't drink alcohol. I guess it was because of our religious beliefs....our church made it part of becoming a senior church member ....you made the decision not to drink alcohol. It's funny that I didn't ever question it growing up...it was just there, it was just accepted.....

As a teenager, I attended my share of the class parties....I remember one in particular....in someone's home...no parents present...but alcohol was....I was an observer....the guys especially had to 'prove their manhood' by overindulging.....it wasn't long before one of them was vomiting....the student that lived there was having a fit....his parents were going to have an even bigger fit....and to this day, I cant believe that I actually helped clean up the mess, so the parents wouldn't find out....but they probably did..parents usually do.
As I became an adult, I was faced with that choice...I remember it well...I was at a wedding, my good friend Linda Damiani was getting married....her family was Italian.....when it came time for the 'toasts' her dad, came around and poured wine into everyone's glasses....and there it was...sitting in front of me...I was faced with a dilemma....I didn't want to appear rude.....what should I do? When everybody lifted their glasses , I did too.....then everyone took a drink....I took a tiny sip....I couldn't believe the taste! It tasted like juice gone bad...I thought to myself..why would anyone willingly drink this stuff...I didn't have anymore....I just pretended to toast after that.

Since Don and I grew up in the same church denomination, we were both used to not having alcohol in our home....so, when we married.....we automatically followed suit.
Along came the children...some birthed, some adopted,...but all ours.

As they grew, and became older teens and adults...they made their own choices of whether to partake in alcohol...at first I wasn't happy when they decided to...in fact, I was terribly hurt...taking it personally....but also because it became clear that some of our children were suffering from the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.....FAS.....one of our sons, when he was quite young 7 or 8, cried out to me one day that there was something wrong with his brain,...that it was broken.....it wasn't until he was 17-18 years of age that we realized that his problems weren't ADHD as the paediatrician diagnosed, when he was five....but FAS.
Two of our children, half siblings came to us, one as a two year old and the other as a ten year old....both terribly globally delayed but once again we didn't find out about FAS until much later..when they were older.

FAS has a fairly recent history of being recognized...with our son who is now 33 years old, the information wasn't out there....people were just putting a name to this a little more then twenty years ago....it's plain and simple ...it's brain damage.....it's permanent...it can not be fixed. Studies have even shown that an FAS brain is much smaller than a non FAS brain....some show the physical changes in their facial features when they are born....others don't...some show obvious intellectual delays from the time they're little..like two of mine did....we knew all along that they had global delays ....but one of ours DIDN'T show those delays. Our daughter came to live with us when she was three days old....she was beautiful...but we quickly discovered that she showed the signs of narcotic withdrawal....it was a tough first year of going through her rigid body, her feeding difficulties, her sudden jerky movements....her laughing one second and going into a rage the next ...but after the first year when her flashbacks stopped...she seemed better.
She attended school, yes she struggled academically but was able to pass all her subjects. She was also extremely talented....musically and athletically.....she was able to play several musical instruments, and play many sports...she was on a basketball team by the time she was nine and played til she was 18. When she graduated high school, she joined an intern program at a Christian camp and worked at an outdoor program teaching young kids outdoor education...she spent a month in Costa Rica helping at a camp there....she was outgoing and extremely social. She came home and got a job at the local coffee shop.....fourteen months later she was living a solitary life, no friends...her time spent sleeping and working....all her teenage friends had moved on to college and with her work schedule she hadn't made any new friends. That was when she had her first of six emotional breakdowns.....no one knew what the Pete was going on with her...they tried different medications until they final settled on an antidepressant. This past fall, she thought she was 'getting sick' again....her dad refused to believe it...I wasn't sure so I started observing her....the confusion that she was experiencing was very familiar...the more I watched, the more I was convinced that what we were seeing, wasn't her illness....it was FAS....you see....FAS can come out , at its worst in the early twenties....the confusion becomes worse, the actions are done without thot...because that's what FAS is....from the moment that the action thot comes into their mind , it skips right to the result...there isn't any thot process to review consequences of the actions...nothing like that....and quite often the result is disastrous because they haven't thot it through.....their impulsivity is to the max!
We always thot when this daughter was growing up that eventually she'd be able to get her own place and get out on her own...sadly, we realize that this is not the case...she is 24 years old but sometimes she acts 14... and sometimes 24... you can never predict which age you'll be dealing with when you're working with her.
The trouble is....SHE KNOWS SHE'S DIFFERENT! ...and it sad. It's sad because she didn't have to be this way...it was totally preventable....she didn't have to live with a damaged brain all her life...but she has to....all because her mother drank alcohol when she was pregnant.

Sometimes I go and speak to perspective adoptive parents at Children's Aid....a social worker told me that all children that come into care have been affected by alcohol in some way and to some degree...some worse than others. How unfair is that? That all these children are forced to live with brain damage through no fault of their own.....the parent goes on their merry way, and the child is stuck with their damaged brain....

So, my view on alcohol? Yes, like I stated...I grew up without it in my life....yes, I realize that some people feel that they can't be social without it...that they need it....that they enjoy it...and that would be their choice...as long as it didn't negatively affect other people...when it destroys people's lives then I think that it's a very dangerous drug.

So , for me this has gone from being a religious conviction to a strong belief that it's harmful to others and needs to be severely monitored.

Just look at my beautiful Maya....she deserved so much more.....they all do.


~ Marie

Intolerance and Fear

I had a tiny, minuscule disagreement with a young woman today....on Facebook...yes, not the best place to air a contrary opinion....and usually I back away from contrariness.....I'm too old for the hassle.
So, why did I speak up this time.....well, I'll tell you why....Fear and Intolerance.

The whole thing was based on a comment that she made about George W Bush...'dancing' at a funeral...just happened to be the memorial service for the five slain police officers in Dallas, Texas.

Now, I watched part of the video....the little part that showed him moving to a stirring rendition of The Battle Hymn of the Republic.....he did seem like he was enjoying it...it did seem that his wife was not....it did seem like Mrs Obama who was on the other side of him....wasn't liking it also....I'm not too sure if her husband on the other side of her realized just what was going on....but after a bit, after Mr Bush said something to Mrs Obama, she too smiled and so did her husband and they also 'moved to the music a bit'.

So, my friend...this young woman, whom I've known since she was 2 or 3...well, she took exception to Mr Bush moving and enjoying the music...in fact she became quite nasty.
I also looked it up on the Internet and apparently the whole situation caused quite a stir.
Now, I don't know why George W. decided at that moment that he should put on his happy face when everyone around him was so very emotional and sad....I have no idea, what he said to Michelle Obama that made her smile....

I did express to this young woman that I wasn't starting an argument but I had to disagree with her....for a few reasons.....

One- the Battle Hymn of the Republic is indeed a stirring piece of music...very majestic, very patriotic sounding.....and the last lines that got old George going were...'Glory, glory Hallelujah...glory , glory, hallelujah....his truth is marching on'.....I pointed out to this young lady that those words were a celebration because even though all the horrible killings that have taken place in the past few weeks ....the two black men, in particular and the Orlando shootings....and of course these last five slain officers....that Gods truth....that he loves each and every one of us....is still there....is still marching on....
Two- I do know that , in the south....and Texas IS in the south...that it is considered quite the common thing to conclude a funeral service, or going to the cemetery , for the mourners to show great rejoicing in music, laughter and dance! So, this very well could be a custom that good old George was quite used to....

She still didn't agree with me....said he should have been left home with a baby sitter....and perhaps she was correct....but...I have no idea why George W. did what he did....but I know that the one thing we haven't seen in the last few weeks has been tolerance....but we've seen a lot of fear....

We saw intolerance for people that chose to be at a homosexual club by the man that shot them, we saw intolerance and judgement of the poor parents that had their child killed by the alligator, we saw fear and intolerance when the man was held down by two police officers and killed, we saw fear when the man was pulled over for a busted tail light and was killed while he still sat there with his seat belt on, while his girlfriend and her child watched.
You could hear the fear in the officers voice after he shot...repeating himself, over and over....
Intolerance and fear....it fills the Internet ....I read some comments from people who criticized a woman for praying for a missing five year old child....there was intolerance for this woman daring to pray for the safe return of the child, and intolerance for a God they said, allowed it to happen.

People are so quick to judge a God that they obviously do not have a personal relationship with.....if they did, then they would understand...they would understand that God is weeping for this child, and for the depravity of man that harms an innocent child...because in the beginning, God gave man a choice...to live His way or their own way....God is not a puppeteer pulling the strings of man...man has a choice....man has a choice of whether to kill a child's mother and take the child, to kill a bunch of people having fun in a club, to take the lives of innocent people.

Intolerance and fear...is the reason that I did not argue further with this young woman, because you see....this young woman is black....and I also have two daughters who are black.....I get it....there is fear....where there is fear there is intolerance......





~ Marie

Unsettled

So, Don has gone to pick up Ben and Megan from the camp they've been at , since Monday.
I didn't want to go....I found it extremely difficult to force myself to go.....so what does every good wife do......gets her husband to go on his own.
Why didn't I want to go, you ask?
Well.......Don and I took them both to this camp on Monday....it's a camp run by the group that run the programs that Ben and Megan attend when they are at home, during the week.
So, obviously, there are a lot of disabled adults in this program and at this camp.
You see, I'm very well aware that Ben and Megan are disabled.....but to look at them...especially Ben....you wouldn't know that they are.....
When we went with them to take their meds to the nurse and to take them to their cabins....you really get an overwhelming slap in the face as to how fortunate you are that our kids are at the level that they are.....
I have this problem whereas I THINK that our kids aren't as bad (disabled) as other kids we see....I've noticed this when I've had meetings at their program office and I see the other adults.....some are confined to wheel chairs, some have to be led by the hand, some can't talk very well , some can't handle their emotions very well and are very loud and scary, some have to be kept on a 'short tether' so to speak, so they don't take off, some are violent and unpredictable.....they are just so different then our kids.
When we took them to camp ....which I and they had been looking forward to for months....I found that observing all the various degrees of disability that other adults have to live with....scared the heck out of me.....all the way back to our camp, I sat very quietly to the point that Don was questioning what was wrong.....I struggled with my feelings and the only description I could come up with was...unsettled.
Even though I had been looking forward to the break....not necessarily from Ben but definitely from Megan.....I didn't want to leave them there, surrounded by these people that scared me but fortunately, Ben and Megan knew and felt comfortable with.......but I had to,...had to pull on the mom armour , let go and drive home.....it was then that I decided that I wasn't going back....I didn't want to be smacked in the face again....I didn't want to look into the faces of all the others that Ben and Megan spent the week with, ...I guess I just didn't want to face it all.

Maybe I'm just too old.

Anyways, Don has gone to get them.....I convince myself that that's alright because I do most of the taking and picking up for the kids....it wouldn't hurt that it was Don doing it this time.

I've struggled with this before.....when Ben has talked about moving to an apartment building that houses other disabled adults.....they have workers there to help them ....and I can understand why Ben wants to go...I really do....he's looking for that independence that most young adults desire....
But when I've seen the people that live there, I immediately think....'oh Ben won't fit in there, Ben is higher functioning'.....

Am I seeing my children through rose coloured glasses , so to speak?

Yes, they are disabled, ...yes, they can't live on their own.....yes, I work with them every single day, over and over and over.....hoping they'll achieve each day a tiny bit of independence....I know that they'll always need someone to look after them, I know that they'll never live on their own, but every day I work with them, everyday I remind them over and over, like a needle stuck on a broken record...( now that really is dating myself because a lot of people today wouldn't know what that expression meant!) ....I remind them to wash, to brush their teeth, do their hair, take their pills.....to wear appropriate clothing, to act in public in an acceptable way, to be aware of others, to not act inappropriately, to consider others ( when I tell them that I need a few moments to myself) .....and on and on it goes....it's like you push the repeat button every single day.....
But when I look at these other disabled adults, I realize that we are fortunate , that Ben, Maya and Megan are fortunate.....the fortunate part is that my kids are accepted into this world , because of their disabilities , the unfortunate part is...because of their disabilities and even though they're not as low functioning as a lot of the people that they were with this week, they are still not accepted by their peers that are average functioning....they are not accepted at other adult functions , there isn't any group at any church that they would fit in with, that they would be accepted in, without feeling sorry for them.
I am physically disabled, and I've worked very hard to be accepted by other adults, to not be treated differently ...I worked hard, my mom worked hard...all those days of physio therapy, day in, day out....but it could only go so far, and I had to figure out things on my own. Unfortunately , with intellectually delayed adults, their brains are damaged, and in the case of our kids, damaged before they were even born , through their birth mothers' drinking....they can't figure things out on their own.

Does anyone deserve to be disabled...no....does anyone want to be disabled....no......
I remember, quite clearly when one of our kids was about 7 or 8, he was upset and crying...he said to me through his tears....'mom, my brain is broken'....
I felt so helpless.....

Our son Ben, our daughters Maya and Megan...they look to their older siblings who are married or are in committed relationships....and they want that too....they want that desperately....they accept their limitations on some things but when it comes to the emotional level...they are just like everyone else ....will they achieve that in their lives....it's hard to say...but I hope so...I think everyone deserves that in their lives....someone that loves and cares about them in a relationship that isn't with mom and dad, or brother and sister....

So, I sit here at the trailer, waiting for Don to bring Ben and Megan back....and all these thoughts run through my mind....some are a little disjointed and out of context....but it leaves me challenged as to how I can help them more to be ready for this world when Don and I are no longer here to be able to do it for them.





~ Marie

The Presentation

I don't like talking about Maya's illness that I thought developed out of the blue in the last days of 2012.
In retrospect,there were signs for a number of years previous but we felt it had more to do with her intellectual disability and certainly not any mental illness....that never entered our minds...

I don't like people commenting about how long it's been since she was last ill.
I don't like to even give it, it's proper name.....mental illness....you see, there is such a social stigma attached to this chemical in balance of the brain.
If she had cancer, people wouldn't avoid her, if she had diabetes , people wouldn't have denied her a second chance at joining in on something. If it had been any other illness, people would have said how strong and courageous she was for pushing on, not giving up....that she was a hero....
They look at her and are afraid, I think realizing, like cancer...the possibility of it happening to them and in the same breath, denying that it was a possibility that it would ever happen to them.
It makes people uncomfortable, always watching her, wondering if that latest reaction to a situation or those words leaving her lips, are an indicator that she's slipping into another episode.
I know, because I live with those feelings.....Every . Single . Day.
My husband says...'stop your fussin'.....but I do.

Last night, I found myself in a very uncomfortable situation.....my husband had sent me an email from the local college. Apparently, it is Mental Health awareness week....everybody is turning everything green....why they chose the colour green is beyond me....isn't that the colour we wear on St Patrick's day?.....and no, being part Irish I bristle at the inference that it's the Irish that only have this problem!
Anyways, this email was a poster of a presentation at the college last night...it did intrigue me to attend ....' Awareness and education about mental health and RECOVERY.....I write that last word in capitals because that's what jumped out at me, .....recovery......I guess I've been on tenderhooks for the last few years, living in fear that there wasn't a recovery....perhaps the same way that a cancer patient who goes into remission always wonders if they will come out of remission.

I wanted to know about recovery...was there really recovery?

So, I decided to go...by myself.....Don was teaching...so, it was just me.

I arrived at the college and found my way to the Auditorium and took a seat...by myself....all by myself....others were milling about, chatting....playing little 'mental health' games out in the foyer...buying t-shirts, putting on green beaded necklaces, or little green ribbons....I barely glanced at those activities, it bothered me that people were being so lighthearted and jovial about a subject that had turned my life inside out, upside down and had scraped it raw.

As I sat in the auditorium, they had three large projector screens, doing what they do best...projecting.....statistics and different slogans to do with mental health....they were on a loop, so as it went through the second time...I felt I couldn't take anymore of the info blasting my consciousness , so I looked down and away...pulled my cell phone out...cause that's what everyone does when they don't know what else to do.....and texted my husband....telling him that I was at the college but wished I hadn't come because I preferred my head in the sand pose. Of course, he wrote back...assuring me that I didn't have to stay...but of course I did....because maybe I would receive a glimmer of hope.....and beside the fact, they gave you a raffle ticket to win a free prize if you stayed to the end!

So, I stayed....not for the ticket...but I really wanted to know if there was....hope.

I sat there for two hours.

The first 45 minutes was a mental health awareness advocate person that gave you all the rah rah stuff, go team mental health awareness stuff...all her percentages and stats.....my brain is already overcrowded and there wasn't any way it would remember all that....she made it sound like in this enlightened age that everyone had or should have, a modern, politically correct reaction to mental illness....but we all know that they don't....there is still a very strong reaction to the general public about it...I sat there wondering if she had really had anyone extremely close to her, someone that she loved and would do anything for, whom she knew that their life, as they had known it, was changed forever by this terrible disease.....or.....did she just know about it through all her research and presentations as she traversed the countryside, talking to people.

Then they had, a quiz! A quiz to participate with ....using your cell phones....to answer the right statistic for the right question...to win a gift card! What fun!

NOT!

The winner's name was flashed on all three of the screens....excitement filled the air.

I sat there...hoping the next presenter would be different, that the next presenter would give me some hope....and he did...somewhat....he didn't have the same issue as Maya but his was a very deep depression that took over his life for several years...but now, he counts himself as recovered! Wonderful....but he was a professor at the college, he usually travelled around the countryside with the first presenter, making their presentations, in tandem...enlightening people on the political correctness and acceptance of mental health awareness. He was a professor, so intellectually his brain had always performed well for him....I highly doubt that his birth mother had given him a life sentence of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome through her alcohol and drug use....permanently damaging his brain, and to add insult to injury....people with FAS only get worse as they get older...never better.

...but that's what Maya deals with every waking moment.

So when it was done, and I didn't win any raffle gift.....surprise, surprise....I left....and as I drove home my thoughts were whirling.

Had it been worthwhile going to the presentation....I guess so,...the last presenter did, by his very presence,....attest to the fact that there was recovery.....did I appreciate all the things that the promoters did to make they're evening a resounding success...which they all thought had happened and were quite busy by the end of the evening giving themselves pats on the back....not really....they were making light of a subject that I took VERY seriously.....and as for them trying to convince everyone that EVERYONE accepts mental illness now.....just as many of the other life situations are being accepted by our rather avant garde society.....to me, it's still at the stages of the huge controversy like over the transgendered bathrooms....some agree and some don't....and some will never change their minds no matter how politically correct it's suppose to be.

I had difficulty going to sleep last night....I knew I was just as weary as I am every night,...I took some Tylenol to ease the constant pain that I experience and tried to go to sleep...only to be awakened by searing pain every where in my body that the Tylenol wasn't preventing. I realized that for the two hours I sat there and the hours before, I had held my body rigid and tense...and now it was screaming back at me.

Yes, everyone is a victim of mental illness, everyone is affected in some way, shape or form.....and it will never be accepted by everyone...it will always have a stigma to it.....there are always going to be people that are afraid...afraid that It will happen to them.



~ Marie

Mothers Day.

One would think that if you have NINE....count 'em.....NINE children....that you would LOVE Mothers Day!

You would think that every advertisement leading up to THE day....would certainly put you in the mood to look forward to the day....
It leads to your children....well, some of them, thinking.....oh, it's that time again.....what do we get her...well, we certainly can't afford that....maybe a nice card....oh shoot, forgot to get the card,...oh well, I'm saving the environment, don't ya know....a phone call....that's the ticket....I'll just call....what do you mean, why didn't you call my mother....what...yes, I know it's my mother, but I forgot...I was hoping that you'd remember...what time is it....11:55pm....do you still think she's up...I have five minutes.....and on it goes....

Laying stress and guilt on the assorted Wettlaufers...well, on some of them anyways....some of them....couldn't care less and you'll never hear from them unless they've had an accident and want you to come and perform last rites or something...or final forgiveness for all the nasty stuff they've done to you over the years.....

As for the mom.....well, the mom is filled with dread all week long, even weeks before when she's reminded through all the confounded commercials telling people to show their love....after all...it's Mother's Day!
Why, why is she filled with dread.....because...from the time she wakes up in the morning til the time she goes to bed on that Sunday....she waits and waits for those four words.....

Happy Mothers Day , mom!

......and when she doesn't hear from all of her children,....she wonders why....why couldn't they be bothered....she gets depressed, she gets down in the dumps.....she goes to bed sad.

I went to a funeral of an elderly lady a few months ago....like me she had nine kids. At her funeral, one of her grown kids.....very grown since this woman was a great grandma.....said...'well, mom....you got your wish...you always said that you'd love for us all to come to church someday.....well, here we are'!
There was uncomfortable giggling but I thought it was kind of sad....mom had asked for one Sunday...that's all...she wasn't looking for extravagant gifts or cards...just one Sunday...that's all. Well, I guess they all finally came, but mom wasn't there to see it, not to have the pleasure of having all her kids around her.
Kids don't realize just how much joy that it would have given their mom.....

You see, I really can't speak for all moms...but I'm pretty sure that most moms are just looking for affirmation.....
Affirmation that even though she made mistakes along the way, after all, she was human.....that her kids were affirming that they knew she tried her best, that she didn't give up, that she tried to be the best mom that she could be....and that they appreciated her.

.....and on Mother's Day .....that affirmation comes in those four words.

That's it...that's it in a nutshell.




~ Marie